The Last Thing My Wife Asked Me To Do with Daniel Buckley #185

Daniel Buckley was thirty-two before he had a name for what was going on in his head. For as long as he could remember he had been restless, discontented, unable to sit still or hold his focus on anything that didn’t grip him - and he had simply assumed that was him. That was the way he was, and the way life was.

His wife Simone saw it long before he did. For more than a decade she told him something wasn’t right, that he couldn’t rest, that he had no structure. He wasn’t ready to hear it. The day before she died, after years of illness, she went through his symptoms one by one and asked him to get help for his ADHD.

Daniel tells Laura what happened next - the newspaper article that felt like a tap on the shoulder, the Irish clinics that never rang him back, the trip to England to be assessed at all. He is open about drinking to escape thoughts he had no other way of managing, about the day he stopped, and about the ordinary moment months later when he heard his son laughing outside an open window and realised he had never felt peace before. It’s also the story of what he built out of it: a service designed, in his words, to get people to a clinician in weeks rather than years.

🔑 Key Points

He spent thirty-two years assuming that was just who he was

Restless, discontented, unable to focus — Daniel had no framework for any of it until he was assessed at thirty-two.

Simone saw it more than a decade before he accepted it

He only heard it the day before she died, when she went through his symptoms and asked him to get help.

Undiagnosed ADHD and alcohol are closely linked

Daniel describes drinking to escape feelings he couldn’t regulate. He stopped in August 2022, so he could be the father his son deserved.

There was no route to a diagnosis in Ireland

Public waiting lists ran to years, and not one of the private clinics he rang or emailed came back to him. He was assessed in England instead.

He chose therapy and coaching over medication

Having stopped drinking, he worked weekly on emotional regulation, learning to recognise emotions he’d never had names for.

Peace arrived as an ordinary moment

Months after his diagnosis he heard his son laughing with friends through an open window and felt, for the first time, that he was all right.

A diagnosis is a turning point, not an end point

The piece of paper changes nothing on its own. What matters is the understanding and the support that come after it.

He built the service he couldn’t find

ADHD Now offers access to a clinician within seven days and has grown to over a hundred clinicians across ADHD and autism care.

📚 Resources

ADHD Now

Daniel’s online ADHD assessment and support service

AutismCare

The autism and AuDHD assessment service built alongside it

ADHD Ireland

The national charity, with support groups and information

Samaritans Ireland

Free, confidential support, any time, on 116 123

⏱️ Timestamps

02:54 — Diagnosed at thirty-two, and the bottlenecks he hit

03:38 — “That’s the way I am, that’s the way life is”

04:24 — Illness, Joey’s arrival, and Simone going on dialysis

07:33 — Drinking to escape, and the day he stopped

09:38 — A decade of Simone telling him something was wrong

10:05 — The day before she died: “please get help for your ADHD”

11:45 — The newspaper article that felt like a tap on the shoulder

12:23 — No one called back, so he went to England

16:55 — “A diagnosis is not the end point. That’s the turning point.”

19:35 — Hearing his son laugh, and feeling peace for the first time

21:12 — The stranger outside the hospital who became his business partner

40:00 — Advice for young people, and what he thinks life means

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