When Distress Looks Like Violence

Content Warning: This episode contains discussion of physical and verbal aggression directed at parents and caregivers by young people in acute distress, including descriptions of property damage, physical assault, and extreme verbal behaviour. Please take care of yourself as you listen. Hit pause whenever you need. Come back, when you're ready.

If you or your family are in immediate danger, please call Triple Zero (000) for assistance.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, please reach out to Lifeline: call 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14, or chat online at lifeline.org.au.

This episode is a collaboration between School Can't Australia and Yellow Ladybugs made possible through funding from the Information, Linkages and Capacity Building Grant. This is the first of two special episodes with Yellow Ladybugs, who are dedicated to the happiness, success, and celebration of autistic girls, women, and gender diverse folk.

Podcast host Leisa Reichelt, is joined by founder Katie Koullas and Natasha Staheli for a conversation about something far more common in our communities than is ever openly discussed: what happens when a young person's distress is expressed outwardly in ways that are frightening and isolating for families.

This episode talks plainly about young people throwing objects, punching holes in walls, physically hitting parents, and using extreme verbal language. It names clearly from the outset that all of this behaviour comes from a place of acute distress, from a nervous system in full fight response, from a child who has often been trying to communicate unmet needs for a very long time.

Katie, Natasha, and Leisa explore why this happens, why it so often lands on mums, and why instinctive parenting responses can make things worse. They cover the PACE framework (Playful, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy), safety planning, the realities of involving police or child protection, the impact on partnerships, and what repair after an incident can look like. This is a conversation wrapped in shame for too many families. You are not alone.

• Yellow Ladybugs Safety Plan Template: Safety Plan Templates.pdf
• PACE Strategy, Yellow Ladybugs Podcast Ep 4 with Dr Alberto Veloso:Episode 4 - Understanding Complex Behaviour
• Dialectics and DBT panel with Sonny Jane Wise and Sarah Hens: How Dialectics and DBT Can Help Our Ladybugs Who Experience Extreme Distress Behaviour
• Yellow Ladybugs: https://yellowladybugs.com.au/
• Dr Alberto Veloso, Relational Minds: https://relationalminds.com.au/

School Can't Australia Resources: School Can't Australia Resources — School Can’t Australia