Building Self Worth Without Approval with Tori Kelly

Have you ever believed you're only worthy of attention when you're performing and perfect?

What if the thing you fear your kid will inherit is the exact thing you've never worked through yourself?

Tori Kelly, a Grammy-winning vocalist who's been sharing her voice with the world since she was a kid, sits down with Miles for a conversation about identity, motherhood, and what happens when the performance stops.

Tori opens up about growing up in a mixed-race householdwhere she often felt othered, getting signed at 12 and "shelved" before she'd lived enough life to have something to say, and the lie she quietly believed for years: that she wasn't worthy of attention unless she was singing. She talks about touring stadiums with Ed Sheeran while pregnant, writing her new album, God Must Really Love Me, in two weeks while holding her newborn son, and why his first cry made the record.

Tori and Miles go deep into the perfectionism she traces back to her earliest days on stage, the phone cleanses she uses to fight comparison, and why motherhood has made her want her son to see her mess up, say sorry, and be human. Miles shares a mentor's metaphor about gratitude that reframes how you see whatever you're circling right now, and Tori tells the story of the drive where the phrase "God must really love me" came out of her mouth before it became an album title.

Ever notice the pattern you're trying to protect your kids from is usually the one you haven't fully worked through yourself? Onsite's Living Centered Program for parents and adults ready to finally do their own work, not just manage everyone else's. It's not about becoming a perfect parent; It's about becoming an honest one. Learn more at experienceonsite.com

In this conversation, you'll learn:

How to Trace Perfectionism Back to the Stage Instead of the Story You Tell Yourself
How to Stop Performing for Approval and Start ActuallyFeeling It
How Becoming a Parent Can Break a Pattern You Didn't Know You Were Repeating
How to Use a Phone Cleanse to Get Your Voice Back FromComparison
How to Write an Album in Two Weeks Once You Stop Editing Yourself
How to Let Your Kids Watch You Mess Up on Purpose
How to Reframe a Career "Setback" as the Setup for Something Better
How Growing Up Feeling "Othered" Shapes the Way You Tell the Truth Later
How to Turn Gratitude Into a Practice Instead of a Mood
How to Know the Difference Between Being a Vocalist andBeing Yourself

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What We Discuss:

00:00:00 – Meet Tori Kelly

00:01:51 – Her Grand Ole Opry Debut, One Night Before ThisConversation

00:05:34 – Genre-less on Purpose

00:08:41 – The Vocalist Everyone Expects, the Storyteller She's Becoming

00:10:51 – The Soundtrack of Her Childhood

00:12:43 – Signed at 12 & Promised the World

00:23:05 – A Career Built on Slow Builds, Not Big Breaks

00:28:24 – How Becoming a Mom Rewired Her as an Artist

00:29:24 – Touring Stadiums With Ed Sheeran While Pregnant

00:31:13 – What Motherhood Cracked Open

00:36:29 – She Doesn't Want Her Son Thinking He Has to BePerfect

00:38:46 – Tracing Her Perfectionism Back to the Root

00:40:59 – How Approval Got Tangled Up With Her Voice

00:47:31 – The Phone Cleanse That Gave Her Mind Back

00:56:06 – The Story Behind "God Must Really Love Me"

01:01:46 – The Vulture Metaphor: Reframing Gratitude

01:04:41 – Congruence, Not Perfection

01:09:25 – Her Husband and Life on Tour

01:13:34 – Ending on the Only Line That Fits

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