[EP64] How to slow down when you're fantasising about a future with someone new (see them as they are)

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Someone asked me: "I've met someone I'm interested in, but I keep fantasising about our future.. how do I keep it in check so I don't freak him out?"

One of the things our mind does is take the bits of information it has and make up whatever it doesn't know, and when something new comes into its awareness, it tends to focus on it and obsess on it. At the beginning it makes the person more than they are, so I would say calm down, take a breath, get into your body and see them as they are. Not less, not more.

I'm not a relationship coach, so this is just from what I've seen. I talk about red flags, taking it step by step, why they're not your person anyway, and how forcing a result is like forcing the petals of a flower open.

In this episode

• Why our mind makes up whatever it doesn't know, and obsesses on what's new
• What happens when someone comes into our sphere of awareness, and we go off into fantasy land
• Taking a breath, getting into the body and seeing them as they are, because the mind makes them more than they are at the beginning and less than later
• Red flags: glossing over, going in paranoid, and giving each other a chance
• Why none of us are done
• Taking it step by step, so you don't freak him out
• Why they're not your person anyway, even in a long-term relationship
• The flower: forcing the petals open versus sunshine, water and love

Chapters

00:00 The Mind Makes Up Whatever It Doesn't Know

01:01 When Someone Comes Into Your Space, Off Into Fantasy Land

02:09 Calm Down, Take a Breath, See Them as They Are

03:16 Red Flags, and Why None of Us Are Done

05:11 Step by Step, So Don't Freak Him Out

05:47 They're Not Your Person Anyway

06:53 Don't Force the Petals Open, and Let Yourself Enjoy It

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iqFNjdHBlT0

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep64-fantasising-about-someone-new

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