FURRY SCHLONG

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Titty's waking up at 10am in New York sounding like Barry White, Georgie's cracking open a full-fat Coke, and we're already arguing about who got the bigger round of applause last week. (It was the live studio audience. Obviously.)

Georgie's checked in with a passport stamp from Tenerife and is about to do eight sea days on a crossing, as a cross-dresser. In What Are You Wearing she's made a sari out of the cabin curtains and the duvet cover, so she can cocoon herself for a nap at any time, and Titty's in a floor-length gown of bodega sandwich foils, pressed by the bodega cat himself, with a neon balaclava and toenails grown into the shape of a LaDuca boot.

In Excess Baggage, Titty makes her aerial straps debut as a rhinestoned can of Baja Blast, Georgie tells us about the iron fanny, the hula hoop and the furry schlong, and the crew group chat delivers the stinkiest poo ever. Plus: why men in Halloween costumes give Georgie the ick, the renaissance of the wired headphone, and Titty's run-in with Donna at the Apple Store.

In Message in a Bottle, Brandy from Battersea can't stop falling for men who look like they've just been released from prison. Does she kick the habit, or keep taking the 781 bus up to visiting hours?

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Until next time, stay salty!