How to Effectively Communicate What You Want

We all have different needs for closeness and distance, for intimacy and independence. You might have heard terms like anxious or avoidant attachment to describe this, and these tendencies can create challenges - particularly when people with different needs try to relate to each other. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we're drawn to people who activate our insecurities, how anxiety manifests differently in "pursuers" versus "distancers," and what we can all do to work with our natural tendencies more skillfully. They discuss common relationship patterns, why pursuers usually receive more blame than distancers, schizoid personalities, and practical ways to break free from entrenched patterns. Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Key characteristics of pursuers and distancers 9:25: Demands and reassurance 13:35: Assigning blame, and gender stereotypes 20:40: Why opposites attract, the power of small wins, and changing ourselves 31:15: The distancer 40:45: Finding motivation to identify common ground with our partner 54:30: The pursuer 1:00:00: Self-consciousness and ego 1:02:10: Brave questions to ask in your relationship 1:07:00: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Des 20241h 21min

Why does change feel so difficult, even when we desperately want it? Dr. Ross Ellenhorn joins the show to explore our resistance to change, and the many good reasons we might have to stay just as we are. Forrest and Dr. Ellenhorn discuss the “fear of hope,” the allure of sameness, and what actually helps people develop the confidence to make meaningful changes in their lives. Topics include challenging conventional self-help wisdom, existential dread, dealing with disappointment, major issues in social work, psychedelics, and self-compassion. About our Guest: Ross Ellenhorn is a psychotherapist and sociologist, the owner and CEO of Ellenhorn, a community-integration program offering services for individuals experiencing addictive behaviors or extreme and complex states of mind and mood, and the author of three books including How We Change (and Ten Reasons Why We Don’t). You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:00: How Dr. Ross’s background in social work influences his outlook on change 6:20: What makes people want to stay the same 18:00: Self-efficacy, faith, and making hope big 24:55: Seeing your problems as solutions 30:00: Grappling with existential anxiety 34:20: The shock of recognition, and connecting with motivations through dialog 40:25: Managing disappointment 43:20: Psychosocial rehab, and the changing definition of mental health 52:55: Psychedelics and direct action 1:04:30: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Des 20241h 16min

Life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs: a sudden job loss, a relationship ending, a health crisis, or losing faith in something. These moments can leave us feeling overwhelmed, lost, and unsure of how to move forward. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore a practical framework for navigating life's most challenging transitions. They break down the essential steps for finding your footing when things fall apart: managing the initial emotional impact, steadying yourself, gathering information, working with loss, and taking meaningful action. You'll learn how to process difficult emotions without getting stuck, ways to evaluate your situation objectively while avoiding common cognitive biases, strategies for decision making under stress, and approaches to building resilience and finding meaning in challenging experiences. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 4:55: Four steps to find your footing when things fall apart 7:05: Stabilizing your body, and reestablishing routines 14:45: Slowing down, and confirmation bias 17:30: Emotional first aid, limiting stressors, and rumination 29:45: Identifying what is reliable in your life 32:45: Facing reality, and gathering information 40:00: Processing loss and disappointment 48:00: Making a plan and taking action 52:30: Post-traumatic growth 58:10: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Nov 20241h 11min

We all have to make big choices in life, but it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when facing major decisions about careers, relationships, or personal growth. In this episode, Forrest and Rick Hanson explore how to develop a reliable system for making choices that align with your values and goals. They break down balancing analysis with intuition, the five key decision-making styles, and common obstacles that lead to poor choices. The episode also includes two live demonstrations of working through a big decision, which includes learning how to identify what you want and pursue it from a values-oriented perspective. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:50: Analysis vs. intuition, and activities vs. results 10:45: Effort, values, and the environments you put yourself in 17:05: The five decision-making styles 28:50: Motives and attachment 33:30: Rigidity, excessive certainty, and other common pitfalls 42:10: Demo #1 - Reverse-engineering a career decision (or Rick with a legal pad) 1:04:55: Demo #2 - Deciding whether to invest deeply in a romantic relationship 1:18:00: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Nov 20241h 31min

We’re tired, burnt out, and searching for a reprieve from hustle culture. Something needs to change if we’re going to get to real productivity: doing that is meaningful and fulfilling rather than just checking boxes off an endless to-do list. On today’s episode, Cal Newport joins the podcast to explore slow productivity, deep work, and how we can achieve more by doing less. About our Guest: Cal is a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the bestselling author of eight books including Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World and most recently, Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout. He also has a YouTube channel and hosts the podcast Deep Questions with Cal Newport.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:45: Slow productivity vs. pseudoproductivity 10:35: Anxiety, procrastination, and overwhelm 17:40: Meaningful work and anti-productivity 22:40: Technology, anti-capitalist philosophy, and knowledge work 28:55: The cognitive drain of multitasking 32:45: The distraction of phones social media 36:00: The ratio of deep work to lighter work 41:00: How timeblocking actually reduces stress 45:20: Office hours and shared documents 48:05: Common misconceptions about Cal’s work 55:45: Tailoring advice to your individual situation 1:00:40: Life transitions, and the deceptive advice to “follow your passion” 1:08:00: Obsessing over quality while avoiding perfectionism 1:17:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Nov 20241h 30min

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions focused on navigating relationship challenges. They explore how to rediscover yourself after a codependent relationship, distinguish between healthy and unhealthy desires, maintain friendships after romantic feelings emerge, overcome self-consciousness in social interactions, and communicate effectively during stress responses. Whether you're healing from a breakup, working through attachment issues, or seeking to build more authentic connections, this episode offers practical advice. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 0:50: After a breakup, how can I reconnect with myself and identify what I really want? 7:50: How do I distinguish between healthy and unhealthy wanting? 18:40: How can I stay friends with someone I’ve had romantic feelings for? 32:20: How can I learn to let my thoughts and speech flow more naturally? 39:10: How can I communicate with care when I find myself in an attachment-related freeze response? 56:15: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Nov 20241h 8min

We all have an "inner child:” the part of ourselves that carries the emotions, beliefs and experiences from our early years. While this aspect of ourselves can be a source of creativity, playfulness and wonder, it might also harbor unresolved wounds that affect our adult relationships and behaviors. In this episode, Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore what the inner child really is, how it manifests in our lives, and practical ways to work with this important part of ourselves. They discuss how to identify inner child wounds, demonstrate techniques like voice dialogue, and share strategies for bringing more awareness and healing to our younger selves. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:20: What is the inner child? 7:30: How the inner child shows up in our adult lives 10:40: A CBT-ish way of thinking about the inner child 16:40: Unmet needs, and examples of inner child wounds 21:45: Promoting the positive aspects of the inner child 28:50: How to begin engaging with the inner child 35:30: Shame, and turning toward yourself 39:00: Reparenting 46:30: Voice Dialogue demonstration 1:00:15: Reflections on the demonstration 1:06:00: Other approaches, and reasons you might be having a hard time 1:09:25: Rage and release, looking at pictures, and creating an autobiography 1:14:00: Balancing the inner child's desires with the realities of life 1:20:10: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Okt 20241h 33min

Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time, and because it’s so common it can be easy to take it lightly. But anxiety dominates the lives of many people, and in this episode psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher joins Forrest for an in-depth exploration of anxiety. They talk about the anxiety cycle, moving away from thinking in terms of a “cure,” and the key target of the “willful tolerance of uncertainty.” Josh also shares insights on exposure therapy, managing self-criticism, and developing greater self-awareness.  About our Guest: Joshua Fletcher, also known as Anxiety Josh, is a psychotherapist based in Manchester, UK, and the author of several books, including his newest, "and how does that make you feel?" Joshua also co-hosts the podcast "Disordered," and you may have bumped into his content on Tiktok or Instagram, where he has over a quarter million followers.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:30: Josh’s first panic attack 10:15: The vicious cycle of threat monitoring 14:00: The three magic words: “just in case” 20:00: The “willful tolerance of uncertainty” 27:00: Exposure therapy 31:55: Working with self-criticism 41:20: Reward, punishment, and trauma 48:05: Identifying our varied inner voices 52:10: Worried voice, false comfort, and wise mind 54:00: Approaching anxiety as a neurodivergent person 58:10: Healthy disenchantment 1:00:15: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month.  Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

21 Okt 20241h 11min