Covert Narcissists’ Constant Need for Validation

Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for constant validation. It is an addiction for them. They have to be fed ALL the time. And it will still never be enough.

Their need for validation is like a cup with no bottom. You pour in all this positive energy, and it just flows right out the other end and is gone. No matter how much you love them, respect them, admire them, care for them, approve of them, build them up, it will never be enough.

They only see all the ways that you don’t. Any tiny criticism, disapproval, neutral though, or even just a simple giving your attention to something or someone else.

If I’m quiet one evening, maybe I’m tired, have a headache, deep in thought about life or worried about a friend, or even just peacefully quiet, pondering the good things of life. All of this will cause the covert narcissist to go into that “feed me” mode.

It’s like a panicked place on their end of - uh oh, what’s wrong? Why are you quiet? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Are you upset with me? Do you still love me? Are you leaving me?

It is always all about them. It is like they are a hawk watching everything you do or say, the look on your face, the way you breathe, and interpreting everything as though it ALL has to do with them.

It doesn't matter how much you tell them and show them that you love them. It is never enough!

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I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
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Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

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