Breaking the Trauma Bond

Breaking the Trauma Bond

Why can’t I just leave? What’s wrong with me? I need to get out, but I just can’t.

The Cleveland Clinic defines trauma bonding as when a person who is or has been abused feels a connection to their abuser. It’s a situation where we form a strong attachment to someone who is causing us harm. It often fuels a cycle of abuse and affection that can be difficult to break.

According to Psychology Today, Trauma-bonding is a hormonal attachment created by repeated abuse, sprinkled with being “saved” every now and then.

Every definition I find talks about the cycle of abuse. It is physical or emotional abuse, trauma, followed by positive reinforcement. For covert narcissists, this positive reinforcement can look like abuse amnesia. It’s like the abusive behavior never even happened. They simply return to normal life, whatever that means, as though everything is fine. We are so grateful for the returned peacefulness that we simply move on too, as though it never even happened. Thus the birth of a trauma bond.

Today we are talking about ways that you can break that trauma bond that has you stuck in an abusive relationship. I want to give you two tools that you can use, from within yourself, to break this cycle.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

  • Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
  • Are you searching for people who get it?
  • Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
  • Are you running in circles in your mind?
  • Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
  • Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism


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Episoder(434)

The Vampire Effect Part 2: Why You Feel Dead Inside (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

The Vampire Effect Part 2: Why You Feel Dead Inside (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when yo...

5 Apr 23min

The Vampire Effect: How Covert Narcissists Slowly Drain You

The Vampire Effect: How Covert Narcissists Slowly Drain You

What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain? In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect—a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually c...

2 Apr 31min

The War Inside You: Why You Still Miss Them After Covert Narcissistic Abuse (IFS Explained)

The War Inside You: Why You Still Miss Them After Covert Narcissistic Abuse (IFS Explained)

Why do you still miss someone who hurt you? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, this question can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. You can see the manipulation, the gasligh...

29 Mar 25min

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision

If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, we explore what it looks l...

26 Mar 31min

The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

Why do you still miss them… even after everything you’ve been through? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself stuck in an internal battle—one part of you sees the truth...

22 Mar 23min

Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave

Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism—and whether you should stay or leave. In this par...

19 Mar 31min

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room

Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow-up episode, we bring the con...

15 Mar 22min

The Invisible Rulebook: The Strange Rules Covert Narcissists Expect You to Follow

The Invisible Rulebook: The Strange Rules Covert Narcissists Expect You to Follow

In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday ...

12 Mar 27min

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