ABCs of BDSM and Feminism with Princess Lola

My Other Boyfriend is a Vibrator … With Hallie Katherine

GUEST: Princess Lola

Trigger Warning

This episode includes discussion about: Mental health, homophobia, self-harm, suicidal ideation, non-consensual kinks and religious topics.

SUMMARY:

This episode of My Other Boyfriend is a Vibrator … is about all things BDSM. It’s a community that my guest Princess Lola is illuminating, from breaking down the acronym to defining terms, from calling out the power of contracts to underscoring why safe words are important. Herself the host of the "Let's Talk About It" podcast, Princess Lola is also getting intimate about the dynamics of her full-time role as a sometimes bratty Sub with a “Dom Daddy” whose 20 years of experience in the world of BDSM have made him her perfect guide. You’ll appreciate that no questions are off-limits in this open, free-wheeling conversation.

Learn about the difference between a Dominatrix and a Sub; the beautiful intimacy of After Care; the ins and outs of full-time versus part-time Dom-Sub relationships; and why feminism that shames makes no sense and is not okay.

Whether you’re a long-time devotee or curious would-be first-timer, Princess Lola and I have resources to share and information to consider. Empowerment, freedom, communication, respect and pleasure – these are some of the core elements that make the BDSM community unlike any other. We’re offering a window in and invitation to explore. Thanks to Princess Lola for bringing her A game to the pod!

RAPID FIRE:

· Princess Lola’s favorite sex toy or kink? Butt plug.

· Biggest pet peeve about how the dominant culture represents Sub women? Labeling them as lacking self-respect or de facto having a history of sexual abuse or trauma.

· All-time favorite play scene? An intimate act ordered by “Daddy Dom” while they were seated together at a bar.

· Least favorite play scene? Anything “golden shower” – mostly for hygienic reasons!

· Most important lesson learned on the journey so far: Be honest with yourself.

GETTING STARTED:

· Princess Lola feels fortunate to have found her “Dom Daddy,” who has been in the BDSM world for two decades.

· Are you a “Brat” and a “Switch”? There may be a correlation in their personalities!

· Next up on Princess Lola’s journey: Getting involved with the community through clubs, balls or other gathering spaces.

· BDSM is about much more than pain. Being in a real Dom-Sub relationship is not just about punishment. It’s about trust. You’re giving over your body and mind.

· Differentiating: Dominatrix’s may or may not enjoy what they do. It’s a job and not the same as engaging in a reciprocal BDSM relationship.

· Feminism is not a binary or defining element of BDSM.

· Speaking Truth: A lot of intimate “vanilla” relationships lack honesty about sexual desires.

THE ABCs of BDSM:

o Defining the Acronym:

§ Bondage: The use of ropes and other restraints.

§ Discipline: An exchange of power within defined roles and boundaries.

§ Sadism: Pleasure/sexual gratification derived by inflicting pain and/or humiliation.

§ Masochism: Pleasure/sexual gratification derived from being the recipient of pain and/or humiliation.

o There are su