Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. I hope you'll join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

Episoder(517)

Building Better Relationships | E144

Building Better Relationships | E144

Building Better Relationships: Have you ever left relationship books laying around, or put a relationship podcast on hoping that a certain someone may reflect on their own behavior and be a better par...

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How to Make Changes Stick | E143

How to Make Changes Stick | E143

Advice From a Life Coach: Here we are, just a week into the new year. If you're like many people, your track record on those resolutions may already be spotty. Or perhaps you've tossed the whole plan ...

7 Jan 201924min

Getting Through Hard Times, Together | E142

Getting Through Hard Times, Together | E142

When you get married or commit yourself to a long-term relationship, you're signing on to support each other through thick and thin. If you're fortunate, most of the time things are okay: the sun shin...

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Boundaries: The Holiday Edition | E141

Boundaries: The Holiday Edition | E141

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are. In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-span...

19 Nov 201837min

Toxic Workplace Survival Strategies: How to Cope | E140

Toxic Workplace Survival Strategies: How to Cope | E140

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in...

5 Nov 201845min

Attaining Empowerment | E139

Attaining Empowerment | E139

In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relation...

22 Okt 201851min

New Relationship Anxiety: Your Questions Answered | E138

New Relationship Anxiety: Your Questions Answered | E138

Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, a...

9 Okt 20181h 8min

How To Deal With Difficult Parents | LHS Classic

How To Deal With Difficult Parents | LHS Classic

Your relationship with your parents is one of the most formative — and sometimes most complicated — relationships of your adult life. Even if you're well into your 30s or 40s, the dynamics you grew u...

24 Sep 201849min

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