Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. I hope you'll join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

Episoder(518)

How To Deal With Difficult Parents | LHS Classic

How To Deal With Difficult Parents | LHS Classic

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The 9 Stages of a Breakup | E137

The 9 Stages of a Breakup | E137

Going through a breakup can feel like emotional whiplash. One day you’re angry, the next you’re crying, and somehow you still miss the person who hurt you. If you've ever wondered, “How much more heal...

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How to Create The Career and Life You Want The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you're like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching...

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Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Infertility | E134

Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Infertility | E134

Miscarriage or infertility can be very hard to talk about, and the lack of support for women and couples going through it can make it even harder to know where to go for help. For this reason, I've in...

30 Jul 201849min

Restore Sexual Intimacy in Your Relationship | E133

Restore Sexual Intimacy in Your Relationship | E133

Any good marriage counselor or couples therapist will tell you that sex isn't the ONLY thing in a great relationship. Friendship, teamwork, communication, emotional safety, respect, and appreciation ...

16 Jul 201852min

How to Stop Feeling Like You're Never Enough | LHS Classic

How to Stop Feeling Like You're Never Enough | LHS Classic

You've worked hard, achieved a lot, and built a life that looks great from the outside. So why does it still feel like it's never enough? If you're someone who has checked all the boxes and still wal...

2 Jul 201835min

Getting Anger Under Control | E132

Getting Anger Under Control | E132

Anger Management Help "Anger issues" are a common problem for many people, and in many relationships. So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I've enlisted the support of my colleague Dr....

18 Jun 20181h 4min

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