“I swear, I’m a natural blonde!”

Does trying to name what IS and ISN’T gaslighting feel difficult and confusing? When you read the various definitions, and then try to apply it to your situation, do you feel lost or unsure of how to relate it back to your experience? In today’s episode, Sarah shares her definition of gaslighting, and points out a few key things that will help you have a better grasp on what gaslighting is, and when it’s happening.

At the time of this recording, Sarah just launched her new workshop. If you are searching for more information like what she shares today, her FREE workshop has this information and more – AND, it’s accessible immediately via her three, pre-recorded videos. Go here and click on the E1 Workshop tab to gain access.

Word of the day: GASLIGHTING! Sarah explains why and how she came to her definition: when a person (or group of people), through covert behaviors, convinces another person that what they perceive, believe, think, or feel, is inaccurate or invalid.

Deconstruction Zone:

Main points

• Gaslighting is both a behavior that someone does and an experience that someone has. The behavior MUST be covert - that would include things like lying, manipulation, etc.), AND the experience that someone has must end up in them being convinced to discard their thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions about something, and take on the other person’s thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions as their own.
• Sarah shares an illustration about a client that has blond hair to demonstrate this principle, and the difference between a gaslighting experience and a gaslighting ATTEMPT.
• When gaslighting is happening, there is no room for more than ONE perspective/thought/belief/feeling. The person who is doing the gaslighting behavior can’t or won’t hold space for any other perspective than theirs being the “right” one, and they will use COVERT means to get those in relationship with them to take on their perspective as their own.
• Sarah illustrates this point, too, through a discussion about the weather over a zoom call.
• Sarah shared two common experiences that are mislabeled as gaslighting:
• Someone disagreeing with you or trying to convince you of something. If there’s no covert behaviors – if there’s no manipulation, coercion, brainwashing, etc., then this is NOT gaslighting.
• So, to sum up, gaslighting is a when you add COVERT behaviors PLUS a person being convinced by those covert behaviors, to discard their truth and take on whatever the gaslighter is telling them to take on.
• Again – want to know more? Check out Sarah’s workshop… want to MASTER this information? Check out Sarah’s 12-week program!

Let’s see how we can turn this into some tools as we set our alarm…

Set Your Alarm: Wondering if what you are experiencing is gaslighting – firstly, focus on where you have power – yourself. Do you feel like you are losing connection to your knowing? Are you doubting the validity of your thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions? Can you see where you’ve been convinced to change the way you think/feel/believe or perceive something? Secondly, can you identify any covert behaviors (this is the trickier part – and again, why Sarah has her 12 week program)? Can you spot manipulation, lies or coercion (to name just a few)?

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