“I don’t want to be a dumb girl”

However you identify, can you relate to the principles in these song lyrics? I'm just a girl in the world - That's all that you'll let me be…(You know the words!)… No Doubt, Just a Girl.

In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest Lauren talk about how a vacation at the beach with her family of origin brought some childhood gaslighting to the surface. You won’t want to miss the real-time “A-ha” moment she had while they were recording!

If you’d like to shoot the shit with Sarah, like she does with Lauren in today’s episode, and have your own “A-ha” moment, Sarah would love to have you come on her podcast - hang out, talk about your gaslighting experience, get some insights, and have a good time together! Let Sarah know you’re interested here.

Sarah’s guest today is Lauren. You might remember her from the episode titled DARVO and the Dangling Carrot. She’s an amazing human being, and Sarah was excited to have her on the show again!

Word of the day: Approval. Oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com defines approval as: the feeling that somebody/something is good or acceptable; a positive opinion of somebody/something. Listen, wanting someone’s approval has gotten a bad wrap.. it’s actually normal/natural/HUMAN to want approval. As we’ll hear in today’s episode, things go sideways when we make ourselves smaller, take on things that aren’t authentically us, or BOTH, in order to win that approval. When it comes to gaslighting and approval, it’s not just the spoken things that gaslight us, as we’ll hear as Lauren shares her story.

Story Time: Sarah and Lauren discuss how a seemingly silly incident around her sister hearing thunder while at the beach with her family revealed to Lauren a prevalent gaslighting message she was exposed to growing up – one that had way more impact on her than she had realized!

Deconstruction Zone:

• Lauren mentioned how there is a superiority complex in her FOO – often, in these kinds of environments, we experience things directly and indirectly that undermine our individualism; some combination of condescending attitude and words, being excluded, mockery, and likely some coercion.
• The result is the message – again, usually UNSPOKEN, that if you want approval and belonging, you need to (be more like us; do things our way; prove yourself worthy, etc).

Set Your Alarm: This experience of making ourselves smaller and/or becoming things that aren’t authentically us isn’t solely a cis-gendered female experience. ANYONE can and EVERYONE DOES experience this type of gaslighting one way or another. So here’s how you can set your alarm:

1. Gently, compassionately, look at your relationships; ask yourself: how important is it that I find approval from this person/these people?
2. Then ask yourself: do I make myself smaller to stay in a place of approval or belonging? Do I try to be something that is not authentically me in order to gain/keep approval or belonging?
3. Remind yourself of the TRUTH that you will feel most alive, loved, and free when you are living out of a place of alignment with your authentic self!

If you are finding yourself stirred as you listened to today’s podcast, and are ready to deconstruct the gaslighting that has happened in your life - schedule a consultation call with me today! You can do so here!

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!