"You want it too much"

Have you ever found yourself in the situation with your intimate partner where you feel like you’re not experiencing the type of connection and intimacy you were expecting… in fact, you get to the point where you are basically begging for intimacy, only to be told that either you want too much, OR, that you’re at fault in some way that they are withholding? There’s a term for that, and in today’s episode Sarah shares that term, and unpacks what’s happening as she and her guest discuss how this played out in her intimate partnership.

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Word of the day: Intimacy Anorexia – According to healthline.com, Intimacy anorexia is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Doug Weiss to explain why some people “actively withhold emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy” from a partner. Now, while Intimacy Anorexia is NOT something I specialize in, gaslighting is almost always a tool people use to enable them to both withhold the intimacy AND keep their partner in the relationship. They do this by finding ways to blame you for the lack of intimacy – whether that be physical, sexual, emotional, or spiritual intimacy. Taylor’s story is a clear depiction of this experience.

Story Time: Taylor shares the story of how her intimate partnership went from one that seemed like a dream, to one where she basically was begging for connection, and felt it especially in the areas of emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. Sarah and Taylor discuss the ways her ex used gaslighting to make her feel like she was to blame for their lack of intimacy and keep her in the dark about his sexual indiscretions and addictive behaviors.

Deconstruction Zone:

• Sarah names things Taylor’s ex did: Redirection/diversion was a constant; brainwashing via distortion of facts/exaggerating/criticizing coupled with withdrawal; controlling/coercion
• Sarah names self-gaslighting for Taylor – namely, in the form explaining away gut and settling.

Set Your Alarm: If you related to today’s episode, here are some ways you can set your alarm:

1. Research Intimacy Anorexia. The term was coined by Dr. Doug Weiss
2. Pay attention to diversion and DARVO! Are YOU the one being blamed for the issues, or is your partner taking responsibility for their part in things?
3. Pay attention to not just words, but words + actions + energy. If they say their going to work on connecting – in whatever way, ARE THEY FOLLOWING THROUGH? If they are following through, are they doing so, but with resentment?
4. Ask yourself if you’re allowing your head to dismiss your gut. Slow down and connect with your body – what is it telling you about your situation?
5. Lastly, get real and call out the concessions you are making.

Two important things:

1. Starting THIS FRIDAY, Sarah’s going to host a one-hour livestream on Tiktok, where we will discuss the topic of today’s episode.
2. Sarah is on the verge of both branching out AND developing a new way to participate in her 12 week program – if you want to be kept in the loop, and get even more information, tips, and tools, AND you want to have a few laughs along the way,