03: High Cost of High Expectations

03: High Cost of High Expectations

Most parents believe heaping praise on a child is a gift. Dr. Lisle says it is often a trap. Telling a kid they are brilliant, gifted, or a straight-A student when the evidence is shakier than that quietly sets an expectation they cannot safely meet, and the motivational system's best response is to stop trying altogether. What looks like laziness, procrastination, or self-sabotage is usually something much older and smarter at work.

In this episode, Dr. Doug Lisle unpacks what he calls the ego trap and traces it back to Stone Age mating competition. He introduces the Darwin Derby, explains why inflated status is so addictive for humans, why writer's block is really an ego trap, and why the Buddhist idea of non-attachment to outcome is the cleanest escape route. He also reacts to the famous Rocky Balboa speech as a textbook case of how a well-meaning father can unintentionally crush his own son's motivation.

Key question covered: Why does inflating someone's expectations with praise actually make them less motivated, and how do you get out of the ego trap without telling everyone around you how to talk to you?

Beat Your Genes is co-hosted by evolutionary psychologist Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Dr. Nathan Gershfeld, DC.

New episodes every other week.

YouTube: youtube.com/@BeatYourGenes

beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle: esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld: fastingescape.com

X: @BeatYourGenes

Intro and outro: City of Happy Ones. Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Episoder(396)

12: Making Yourself More Date-able

12: Making Yourself More Date-able

You might never become a Brad Pitt or Cindy Crawford, but that shouldn't stop you from trying.  In tonight's episode, we will go over the right moves to make to make yourself more attractive to the op...

5 Mai 201657min

11: Love, Sex, Dating, Relationships Part 3

11: Love, Sex, Dating, Relationships Part 3

Following up from last week's episode, Dr. Lisle continues to discuss the psychology of behavior through listener questions such as:  Why can people get so offended when told that human nature drives ...

28 Apr 20161h

10: Biological Clock, Sexual Variety, Settling Down, & Male Groupies

10: Biological Clock, Sexual Variety, Settling Down, & Male Groupies

A follow-up to last week's episode, we will be going over more common mistakes that we all make in the mating dance that is dating.   If you've ever had a dating experience where you felt you coudn't ...

21 Apr 201659min

09: Love, Sex, Dating, Relationships

09: Love, Sex, Dating, Relationships

If you've ever had a dating experience where you felt you coudn't control yourself or the eventual outcome, that was your genes compelling you to behave in a certain way.  This is a double-edged sword...

14 Apr 201658min

08: How to Get Along Without Going Along

08: How to Get Along Without Going Along

Ever have a pushy friend that's trying to get you to do something you don't want to?   It may seem like the only way to get them to understand "no" is to be rude or leave.   In this episode, Dr. Doug ...

7 Apr 201657min

07: Understanding your Personality

07: Understanding your Personality

Everybody loves a personality quiz, but most of what the culture teaches about personality is wrong. Dr. Lisle says astrology is worthless, Jung was off, and Skinner was off, and the actual science wa...

31 Mar 201656min

06: Why Men and Women Are Wired to Want Different Things: The Psychology of Gender Differences

06: Why Men and Women Are Wired to Want Different Things: The Psychology of Gender Differences

In 2005, Harvard president Lawrence Summers lost his job for saying something Dr. Lisle calls scientifically non-controversial: that men and women have psychological differences rooted in biology, not...

24 Mar 201653min

05: Psychology of Politics: Why Liberals and Conservatives Disagree

05: Psychology of Politics: Why Liberals and Conservatives Disagree

Most people assume political conflict is about values, policy, or who is morally right. Dr. Lisle says it is actually about one ancient question your Stone Age brain has been asking for 100,000 years:...

17 Mar 201657min

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