TRUE CRIME: Family Annihilators & the Christmas Eve Wholaver Murders

Why do so many family murders happen at Christmas?

Trigger warning: the murders of a mother and her daughters, the sexual abuse of children (about 12:00 to 14:45), a home invasion and kidnapping (about 16:20 to 20:40), and references to sexual assault and domestic violence.

Recorded two days before Christmas 2020. Cathy breaks down familicide and the men who kill their families: why the holidays raise the pressure, the shame and sense of ownership behind it, the Medea complex, and the attachment wounds that can sit underneath. Then two very different holiday cases. On Christmas Eve 2002 in Middletown, Pennsylvania, Ernest Wholaver Jr. killed his estranged wife and two daughters while he was facing charges of sexually abusing the girls. And on December 22, 1990, two parolees invaded the Tiede family’s cabin in Oakley, Utah. We end with the four types of family annihilators and why JonBenét Ramsey still has no answer.

Therapists Shannon and Cathy look at the shame and control behind family annihilation, how disorganized attachment and intergenerational trauma can shape it, why domestic violence spikes around the holidays and during pregnancy, and why a home invasion, even one where only presents are touched, feels like such a deep violation.

Covered in this episode:

• Familicide and family annihilators: why the holidays raise the risk
• Shame, control and “if I can’t have you, no one will”
• The Medea complex and Jung’s “terrible mother”
• Attachment, domestic violence and intergenerational trauma
• The Wholaver murders, Middletown, Pennsylvania (Christmas Eve 2002)
• The Tiede cabin murders, Oakley, Utah (December 1990)
• Home invasion and the feeling of violation
• The four types of family annihilators: self-righteous, disappointed, anomic and paranoid
• JonBenét Ramsey and Laci Peterson

Clinical themes: familicide, shame and control, disorganized attachment, intergenerational trauma, domestic violence, violation and safety.

Corrections and updates: The Wholaver murders happened shortly after midnight on December 24, 2002, not on Christmas morning. Jean Wholaver was 43; her daughters Victoria and Elizabeth were 20 and 15. Victoria’s nine-month-old daughter survived and was found alone in the house more than a day later. Ernest Wholaver Jr. was sentenced to death in 2004 and remains on Pennsylvania’s death row; his brother Scott, who drove him there and helped dispose of the weapons, pleaded guilty and testified against him. In the Tiede case, Rolf Tiede survived being shot and set on fire; Beth Potts (76) and Kaye Tiede (49) were killed, and daughters Linae (20) and Tricia (16) were kidnapped and survived. Von Lester Taylor was sentenced to death and Edward Steven Deli to life in prison. In 2008 the Boulder County District Attorney cleared the Ramsey family in JonBenét’s death, based on DNA evidence.

Related episodes:

• TRUE CRIME DOCUMENTARY: Chris Watts, Shanann & American Murder
• TRUE CRIME: The Black Dahlia, Elizabeth Short & George Hodel
• SHRINK CHAT: The Frozen Ground, The Undoing, Prom Night & Santa Jaws

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Two licensed therapists, one forensic psychologist, one clinical LMFT, take apart the minds behind the crimes.

Until then... sleep safe. 😴
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