Don't Mom Alone Podcast21 Jun 2021

Resolving Sibling Conflict:: Summer of Mentorship Wk 1

"They just keep fighting!"

Summer, for us, means lots of unstructured time together as a family. Which is great. . . until it's not.

Perhaps you can identify. Maybe you see yourself in one of the following situations:

Situation #1 - The kids are fighting - again! The harder you try to make it stop, the worse it seems to get - and the kids seem more and more resentful.

Situation #2 - One minute they love each other and the next minute they’re arch enemies. The older they get the louder and angrier it gets. You hate the way this affects everyone’s mood, including your own.

Situation #3 - Time-outs, required apologies, and firmness temporarily curb the fighting, but it soon comes back with more intensity.

Situation #4 - Your young kids are beginning their rivalry and you worry where it’s heading if you don’t learn some better strategies. (copied from Sibling Conflict Online Course description).

Jim & Lynne Jackson from ConnectedFamilies.org are back to equip us in training our children to solve conflict well. And instead of just wishing they would "just stop fighting", to recognize the gospel work of guiding our family to reconciliation.

Jim & Lynne have been on the show before sharing their fabulous 4-layer framework for discipline that connects (Listen here to Episode 80 & 81). And again helping connect in any situation (Ep 98).

Today, they are talking us through The Peace Process. A simple but effective way to guide our kids to a lifetime of reconciled relationships. Here's their great graphic with the four steps moving us from "crazy mountain" to peaceful reconciliation (Click here to print your own copy):

Conflict is inevitable. Instead of just getting frustrated and annoyed, I've found having a plan to reconnect hearts and train empathy so helpful. I also loved all the phrases Jim & Lynne modeled to use as we guide our children through the process. Here are some of my favorites (I'll be bookmarking this page and referring to often):

"Sounds like y'all are having a hard time. Do you need my help or are you able to work it out on your own?"
"Solving brains won't work until we're calm. Why don't we each find a comfortable place. How long do you need? 5 min? 10 min? Then we'll come back together to work this out."
"Did you hear that? How does she feel? Do you like that what you did made her feel that way? You two are listening to each other. How does that feel?"
"Your big feelings are a gift. And they are an even greater gift with you can use them to help understand other's big feelings."
"What's going on? What was important to each person? How have you solved this problem before? Would you like to think of ways to solve the problem or do you want me to help give you choices on how to solve it?"
"Are there four things you could say that are kind and true about that person?"

Lastly, if you need more help learning how to guide your kiddos through the peace process, check out Jim & Lynne's new SIBLING CONFLICT ONLINE COURSE. I'll be working through it this summer. Join me! USE DMA20 to save 20% off.

What we chat about:

Considering your own baggage/sibling situation as you rush into your kids' conflict.
Are we trying to get conflict to stop or teach reconciliation?
The four steps to "The Peace Process".
A real life example of applying peace process.
How training in reconciliation helps our kids in their future marriages and relationships.
Helping our kids learn how to solve the problem of the conflict (a 3-step process).
A scenario of a more empathetic child in conflict with a more strong-willed child--growing specific skills in kids.
Addressing the differences in your kids outside of conflict.
Help for the mom who has a child with special needs in the sibling mix.
Connecting with others based not on experience but emotion.
Tips for conflicts that happen right before you have to leave the house.

Connect with Jim & Lynne:

Connected Families Site :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Pinterest

Links Mentioned:

Free Discipline that Connects handbook
Building Empathy in Kids (Part 1) and Building Empathy in Kids (Part 2) article
"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)
"Suppose your brother or sister has something against you, go make peace with them." (Abbr. Matthew 5:23-24).
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." (Matthew 5:9 NIV)
"You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." (Matthew 5:9 MSG).
Need one-on-one parent coaching? Click here
Peaceful Mothering DVD

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

What is your process for sibling conflict to management in your home right now?
What are some ways you and your child can calm down in the heat of conflict? How could taking a mom "time out" help you can down?
Discuss how seeing conflict resolution in light of your child's future relationships (think coworkers and future spouse) can help you see why these skills are so important to learn now.
Guiding your kids with questions as they resolve conflict helps support them make better decisions. Think of a few questions you could ask for common disagreements.
Think about each of your kids and help make a plan for their individual personalities for conflict resolution.

FEATURED SPONSORS:

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Episoder(500)

The Ripple Effect of Healthy Sexual Connection :: Francie Winslow [Ep 138]

Three years ago she directed us to soul healing. Two years ago she reminded us of the power of sex in marriage. Francie Winslow is back. This time to share what she’s learned about the exponential impact marital intimacy has on the world around us. In the past two years Francie has been doing extensive research on theology of the body. Exploring how God stamped His image on us. How we express our roles as image bearers through sex in marriage. God is an invisible God who wants to make himself visible to us. When man and woman come together as one it’s his invitation for humanity to become one with God. Intimately connected with Him. Francie shares their own family stress and her personal struggle with anxiety. Things that can disrupt marital connection. She vulnerably shares how she and her husband have purposefully chosen sex over isolation. God’s training us to fight for connection and for each other instead of against each other. Love Francie’s practical tips for keeping technology in check. So often screens and devices creep in between couples, increasing the distance and decreasing the intimacy. Don’t miss the list of great resources below to help train your children in forming a healthy perspective of the body and sex. What we chat about: Francie’s journey to learn sex isn’t dirty or a duty but a delight. Her recent study of theology of the body. How anxiety and adoption stress led Francie and her husband to choose to have more sex (you read that right). How technology impacts our marital connection and practical solutions Help and healing for women who struggle with their view of sex. A reminder to daily do the things that keep you alive as a person. The Ripple Effect of sex in marriage. A word of encouragement for the single mom. Training our kiddos in a healthy sexual worldview (check out Francie’s resource list below). Links Mentioned: Soul Freedom (encore)Episode The Power of Sex in Marriage Episode Andy Crouch Beth Moore’s Daniel Study** Francie’s Resource List: Theology of the Body Books for Kids by Monica Ashour Every Body is Smart: God Helps Me Listen & Choose** Every Body Has a Body: God Made Girls & Boys** Every Body is a Gift : God Made Us to Love** God Has a Plan for Boys & Girls ** Every Body Has Something to Say** Every Body Has Something to Give** Get these books (as many as you can!) and read them over and over and over. They are great for a range of ages – not just toddlers. Not only will it help form a great spiritual foundation for your kids as they enter a sexually intense world as kids (sadly it happens young these days), it will help you as a grown up re-learn how to think about bodies, sexuality and identity. It will also help give you simple, common language to use on an everyday basis in your home. They have all been such a big part of us growing in this new way of seeing the gift of sex as a family. For older kids: The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality** by Luke Gilkerson (there are several others to go with this series too). Loving this one right now with my 8 year old.) Before I Was Born (God’s Design for Sex)** by Carolyn Nostrum Good Pictures, Bad Pictures : Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids ** by Kristen Jensen Theology of His Body/Theology of Her Body** by Jason Evert This was written with college kids in mind, but I found it super helpful and use it woven into conversations with my kids. For those who want more depth…Theology of the Body for Beginners** by Christopher West **Amazon Affiliate Link Sex is a multiplying factor in our lives, not just with producing kids, but producing a massive amount of connection.

17 Okt 201646min