Master Your Marriage5 Apr 2023

Stop Escalating Fights With This Secret Weapon: Repair Attempts

What can you do to stop a fight from escalating? Surely there’s a better way to argue? If you feel like your communication with your partner sometimes takes a disrespectful turn, then today’s episode is for you.

Robert and Sharla are sharing one of their favorite interventions in couples coaching: it’s a tool to stop couples from letting negativity spiral out of control.

Understanding repair attempts begins with appreciating the philosophy that your marriage or relationship is an infinite game that you are constantly wanting to extend by never actually ‘winning.’

Approaching conflict with a mindset of humility, as well as a curiosity to understand your partner’s point of view in an argument, are some of the more positive approaches you can make as repair attempts when things start to spiral out of control.

And of course, between being provoked and responding, there is space for growth and freedom (if you choose) by acknowledging your power to be empathetic to your partner’s needs. In any conversation, let your first response be your breath.

This episode on repair attempts is a literal breath of fresh air for couples in need of new approaches to resolving conflict. It also comes with a cheat sheet in the show notes below. Please join us.

“Marriage is an infinite game. The objective is to never win.” ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- A recap of the 8 predictors for divorce and the Four Horsemen

- Understanding how repair attempts can improve your marriage

- Compromise is the oil that lubricates the engine called marriage

- Understanding why the goal is never to win — rather, to extend the game

- Leaving your ego tucked away and remaining curious in a challenging conversation

- How to move the conversation closer to compromise

- Using ‘I statements’ to defuse negativity

- Acknowledging and understanding your partner’s point of view: “help me understand”

And so much more!

Resources:

-Get the Repair Attempt Cheatsheet

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage

- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

- Book: Finite and Infinite Games

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Denne episoden er hentet fra en åpen RSS-feed og er ikke publisert av Podme. Den kan derfor inneholde annonser.

Episoder(174)

Empathy: The Antidote to Contempt

We just spent two episodes looking at contempt—the number one predictor of divorce. One of the clearest takeaways is this: empathy and contempt cannot live in the same room.When contempt is operating,...

19 Aug 33min

How to Build a Contempt-Free Marriage (it's the #1 predictor of divorce!)

Last week we named the problem: contempt is addictive, corrosive, and the #1 predictor of divorce. This week we take up the harder question—how do we actually walk away from it?We open with an honest ...

12 Aug 29min

The Addiction of Contempt

In this episode, we unpack one of the most destructive forces in modern relationships: contempt.Drawing from Arthur Brooks’ book Love Your Enemies, we explore why contempt is not just a communication ...

29 Jul 31min

Breaking the Silent Treatment: How to End the Silence and Reconnect in Your Marriage

We’ve all heard (or said) those loaded words: “We need to talk.” For most of us, they immediately trigger defensiveness and dread. But what happens when conversations stop altogether? In this replay e...

22 Jul 24min

Defensiveness Is a Self-Esteem Problem (And How to Fix It)

Most of us get defensive without even realizing it — and it’s one of the fastest ways connection breaks down in marriage. In this episode, we explore why defensiveness is actually a self-esteem issue ...

16 Jul 30min

Mini Episode: Real Self Esteem, Shame & Grandiosity (Listener Questions)

In this quick mid-week bonus episode, Sharla answers two listener questions from our current series on Real Self Esteem and the distortions of shame and grandiosity.We explore:Why you can feel confide...

10 Jul 4min

How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

This is part two of our shame series. Be sure to listen to last week's episode for an introduction into shame and how it relates to self-esteem.In this episode, we go deeper into the real reason shame...

8 Jul 29min

The Shame Cycle That’s Hurting Your Marriage

Most of us are walking around with a relationship to ourselves that is pretty dysfunctional — and we don’t even realize it. We bounce back and forth between shame and grandiosity, sometimes minute by ...

2 Jul 25min