20231115 - Mindful Focus

I was inspired by a conversation yesterday to write something about Nonviolent Communication. So here goes. Nonviolent Communication is a communication framework and awareness tool, created by Marshall Rosenberg. It fosters empathic communication and compassion. It is based on the belief that we, in our nature, are compassionate beings, built to connect and to enjoy giving and receiving. Rosenberg postulates that much of the language we are using disconnects us from our compassionate nature. He calls it “life alienating language”. He says that we tend to communicate in a way that makes it less likely for us to create real connection and less likely for our needs to be met. Some examples of “life alienating language”. Moralistic Judgments Making evaluations or moral judgments about people without understanding their feelings and needs. For example, saying, "You are lazy," instead of expressing your feelings and needs like, "I feel overwhelmed because I need support." Comparisons Making comparisons that imply one person is better or worse than another. For instance, "Why can't you be more like your sibling?" Denial of Responsibility Avoiding responsibility for one's actions or feelings. For instance, saying, "You make me angry," instead of taking ownership of your emotions and expressing them as a response to a specific situation. Demands Using language that implies demands or commands without considering the other person's autonomy. For example, saying, "You need to do this," instead of making a request with an understanding of the other person's willingness and capacity. He has developed another communication pattern that focuses more on our underlying needs. Observation Start by stating the facts as objectively as you can without making and judgements. Feeling Express your feelings that are triggered by this observation and acknowledge that they are a result of needs being met or unmet. Need Express the universal human need that underlies the feeling. Request Formulate a clear and actionable request that is concrete, positive and doable. There is a lot more to this way of communicating than I can fit in here and it takes some practise getting used to. But in my experience it is incredible how much connection and joy this way of communicating creates.