177 SelfWork: Sleep or Sex? How To Balance Both Your Needs and Desires

177 SelfWork: Sleep or Sex? How To Balance Both Your Needs and Desires

Sleep and sex – how does a couple balance out these two needs and desires? How many times have I heard a couple argue about whether or not they’re having enough sex. One will usually say I’m too exhausted. The other feels rejected. Both feel unappreciated and hurt. I'll offer a couple of tips from experts and couples themselves about how they balance two different libidos and two different sleep styles while managing to reach a compromise. And by the way, there was a study done several years ago that tested different factors (including level of salary) to see which ones might lead to greater life satisfaction and sense of happiness. The two that were most powerful? Sexual satisfaction (being content in your sex life) and sleep – getting enough of it. That’s an eye opener for sure.

The listener email today is from someone who wants to know how to talk with her spouse about abuse she suffered as a child. I’ll give her my answer!

Important Links:

Dr. Pat Love's Hot Monogamy

One of Dr. David Schnarch's first books on sexual intimacy and couples.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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Episoder(562)

512 SelfWork: CBT for Insomnia and Its 100% Effective Cure: Dr. Nick Wignall

512 SelfWork: CBT for Insomnia and Its 100% Effective Cure: Dr. Nick Wignall

Dr. Nick Wignall continues as Dr. Margaret's guest this week, as we switch from focusing on emotional fitness to the 100% effective CBT tool for curing insomnia, called sleep compression. It's hard t...

21 Aug 28min

511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero Of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall

511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero Of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall

Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of...

14 Aug 34min

510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Secrets

510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Secrets

This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season was released. Today, we're going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso chara...

7 Aug 21min

509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell

509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell

EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing for emptiness and grief - when relationships were never loving and for when they're...

31 Jul 43min

508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak

508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak

Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a "belief collapse." And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through. Today's focus will be on how to do just that - get throu...

24 Jul 20min

507 SelfWork: How to Effectively Talk To A Perfectionist

507 SelfWork: How to Effectively Talk To A Perfectionist

The subject for today is how to talk with a perfectionist about your concern for them. Or if you’re the perfectionist, how to allow someone into your world enough for you to hear that concern. I'll of...

17 Jul 22min

506 SelfWork: Therapy Harm: Straight Talk with Dr. Patricia Dixon

506 SelfWork: Therapy Harm: Straight Talk with Dr. Patricia Dixon

Today psychologist and mental health advocate Dr. Patricia Dixon is shedding light on the often misunderstood concept of “therapy harm.” She explains what it is, how it can happen even with the best i...

10 Jul 39min

505 SelfWork: What's The Most Recent News For Depression Sufferers in 2026?

505 SelfWork: What's The Most Recent News For Depression Sufferers in 2026?

What's the most recent news for depression sufferers in 2026? That's the question Dr. Margaret researched today. Some new treatments are available now; some are still trying to get FDA approval. But ...

3 Jul 20min

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