Is It Emotional Abuse? How to Identify & Protect Yourself in Divorce

Explore the tactics abusive partners use to maintain control, how emotional abuse can impact divorce and custody proceedings, and—most importantly—how to protect yourself, rebuild your confidence, and move forward with clarity.

When emotional abuse in your relationship or divorce, it becomes confusing, isolating, and overwhelming. Many people don't realize that abuse isn't always physical—disrespect, manipulation, and control can be just as damaging, especially during separation.

In this episode, we're joined by Krasi Kirova, a clinical psychologist specializing in complex trauma, emotional and psychological abuse, and family violence. With extensive experience in trauma-informed approaches, Krasi helps us break down the Three Ds of Emotional Abuse—Disrespect, Disempowerment, and Distortion—and how these behaviors can show up in divorce.

🚨 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses emotional and psychological abuse, which may be distressing for some listeners. If you need support, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for confidential advice and assistance.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You:

✔️ Feel like your voice was never heard during your marriage or separation
✔️ Have experienced gaslighting, manipulation, or financial control in your relationship
✔️ Are struggling to explain emotional abuse to your lawyer or the court
✔️ Want to understand how emotional abuse impacts divorce and child custody
✔️ Need tools and strategies to protect yourself during and after separation
✔️ Are curious about the new coercive control laws and how they affect family law cases

Legal Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. We are not psychologists or legal professionals, and the information shared is based on personal experiences and general knowledge. Every situation is unique, and laws vary by jurisdiction. If you are going through a divorce, custody dispute, or financial settlement, please seek independent legal advice from a qualified family law professional.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction to Emotional Abuse in Divorce

00:35 Meet Krausey Kirova: Expert in Emotional Abuse

02:31 Understanding Emotional Abuse: The Basics

08:34 The 3 D's of Emotional Abuse

09:40 Disrespect: The First Pillar of Emotional Abuse

15:42 Disempowerment: The Second Pillar of Emotional Abuse

21:37 Addressing Hidden Abuse

21:48 Free Resources for Divorce Preparation

22:33 Understanding Distortion in Abusive Relationships

23:48 The Impact of Gaslighting

25:42 Recognizing and Documenting Abusive Patterns

33:47 The Role of Therapy and Mediation

37:40 Workshops and Support for Women

38:38 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Episode Highlights:

🔹 [04:00] – What is emotional abuse, and how does it differ from disagreements or bad behavior?
🔹 [10:00] – The Three Ds of Emotional Abuse:

• Disrespect – Verbal put-downs, silent treatments, invalidation of your feelings.

• Disempowerment – Financial control, isolation, and decision-making without your input.

• Distortion – Gaslighting, blame-shifting, and rewriting reality.
  🔹 [27:00] – Why emotional abuse is often hard to recognize when you're in it.
  🔹 [31:00] – How to document abuse effectively for legal cases and communicate it to your lawyer.
  🔹 [36:00] – Should you try family therapy or mediation with an emotionally abusive partner?
  🔹 [40:00] – The impact of new coercive control laws in Australia and how they apply to divorce.
  
  

Links & Resources Mentioned: Resources & Support:

✅ Krasi Kirova's "Understanding Emotional Abuse in Relationships" Workshop –

Krasi Kirova is a clinical psychologist specialising in complex trauma, difficult family dynamics, emotional and psychological abuse in relationships, dealing/separating from a narcissistic partner, and setting healthy boundaries. She has extensive training in trauma-informed approaches and family violence. Aside from her work in private practice, Krasi has worked at Monash University's health services and co-facilitated trauma groups in a psychiatric hospital. She currently runs a workshop for women called "Understanding Emotional Abuse in Relationships".

https://kirovapsychology.com.au/workshop/

✅ 1800 RESPECT – Confidential support for domestic & family violence: https://www.1800respect.org.au
✅ Mediation Checklist – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

✅ Legal Resources on Coercive Control – https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/fv/overview

Recommended Books:

📚 Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
📖 Amazon | Booktopia (AU)

📚 The Verbally Abusive Relationship – Patricia Evans
📖 Amazon | Book Depository

📚 In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People – George K. Simon
📖 Amazon | Book Depository

Related Podcast Episodes:

🎙 Gaslighting in Divorce: How to Spot It & Shut It Down – (Do you have a link for this episode? I can add it!)
🎙 Coercive Control & The Family Court: What You Need to Know – https://youtu.be/OKJB6BY1N-M?si=hvZXb9-n-4qEgMbf

🎙 Mediation or Manipulation https://youtu.be/-7emsMbzX5o?si=6cOLhB8lZxGS8ZQa

🔗 Support Services

• Lifeline – 13 11 14 (Australia)

• 1-800-RESPECT – Domestic Violence Support

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#DivorceSupport #CovertNarcissist #FamilyLaw #NarcissisticAbuse #Separation #LegalTips #CustodyBattles #PropertySettlement #ToxicRelationships #Manipulation #CourtOrders

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Legal Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. We are not psychologists or legal professionals, and the information shared is based on personal experiences and general knowledge. Every situation is unique, and laws vary by jurisdiction. If you are going through a divorce, custody dispute, or financial settlement, please seek independent legal advice from a qualified family law professional.