Episode 29: The Day My Hole Almost Killed Me

Episode 29: The Day My Hole Almost Killed Me

In this deeply personal and emotional episode of Brolapse, I open up about the traumatic medical emergency that changed my life: a colon perforation that happened just days before recording. I walk you through the harrowing series of events — from a seemingly normal shower before a shoot with Ashlll Bay, to the moment I felt something pop inside me, to the emergency surgery that followed.


I talk honestly about the physical and emotional aftermath — the unbearable pain, the Baker Act hold, waking up to a colostomy bag, and the crushing fear that I may never fist again. I share what it’s been like adjusting to life without the part of me that’s defined so much of my identity, how I’m learning to be “Ryan” without my hole, and how I’m trying to stay creative, positive, and connected to my fans in this forced downtime.


You’ll also hear about the memoir I just completed, why this podcast is more important than ever, how I’m navigating grief and identity, and the outpouring of support I’ve received — from GoFundMe donors to exes, friends, and even The Howard Stern Show and H3 Podcast, who both invited me back on to share my story.


💔 A must-listen if you’ve ever faced a life-changing moment and wondered: How the hell do I move forward from here?



Ways to Support & Stay Connected

💸 Donate: https://HungerFF.com/GoFundMe

📺 Full video: https://HungerFF.com

🎧 Listen on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3uJBareUPFci58BJ0NtwtoIOKKuaaBIa

🎧 Spotify (Early video access!): https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/Brolapse

🍏 Apple: https://apple.co/408WLLX

📻 Amazon & Audible: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/57bbf689-250a-4c96-8559-0a79805f18b6/hungerff-presents-brolapse


🕗 New video episodes every Friday at 8 PM

🎙️ Audio drops Fridays across all podcast platforms

🔥 Early video access for Spotify subscribers

📦 Best-of compilations now live on JustFor.fans/HungerFF


Episoder(83)

Episode 74: John Thomas — Fantasy, Responsibility, and the Reality Behind the Scene

Episode 74: John Thomas — Fantasy, Responsibility, and the Reality Behind the Scene

In Episode 74 of Brolapse, HungerFF sits down with ⁠John Thomas⁠ for a conversation that goes far beyond the surface of porn.John opens up about his fisting origin story, growing up with religion, gui...

14 Feb 47min

Episode 73: Wyld Ryder: Becoming the Pig You Are

Episode 73: Wyld Ryder: Becoming the Pig You Are

In this episode of Brolapse, Ryan James sits down with Chicago-based creator Wyld Ryder for a candid conversation about confidence, kink, and the slow burn of becoming fully yourself.Wyld opens up abo...

7 Feb 28min

Episode 72: HungerFF Sound Initiative (Part Two)

Episode 72: HungerFF Sound Initiative (Part Two)

Episode 72 completes the two-part HungerFF Sound Initiative.Following last week’s introduction, Part Two leans fully into execution, featuring four complete track drops that expand the project’s sound...

1 Feb 21min

Episode 71: HungerFF Sound Initiative (Part One)

Episode 71: HungerFF Sound Initiative (Part One)

In Episode 71, HungerFF steps away from traditional interviews and introduces a new music-driven project that blends kink, humor, masculinity, and AI-assisted production. Recorded as an audio-only epi...

31 Jan 23min

Episode 70: Rocco Steele on Letting Go, Living Truth, and the Chapter After “Rocco”

Episode 70: Rocco Steele on Letting Go, Living Truth, and the Chapter After “Rocco”

Some episodes are fun. Some are loud. And then there are the rare ones that feel like a real conversation you’re lucky to witness.In Episode 70, Rocco Steele joins me for an honest, reflective talk ab...

17 Jan 1h 8min

Episode 69: No Safe Words — A First Listen to Deeper

Episode 69: No Safe Words — A First Listen to Deeper

For Episode 69 of Brolapse, Ryan James does something different.Instead of a guest, this episode offers a first listen to Deeper—his forthcoming memoir—presented here in its unedited author’s version....

10 Jan 9min

Episode 68: Intimacy Over Performance — A Fisting Top’s Perspective (feat. Brogan)

Episode 68: Intimacy Over Performance — A Fisting Top’s Perspective (feat. Brogan)

In Episode 68 of Brolapse, Ryan sits down with Brogan for a rare and deeply thoughtful conversation from the perspective of a fisting top—a voice we don’t hear nearly often enough.Brogan shares his un...

3 Jan 48min

Episode 67: Brolapse Holiday Special: Boxing Day Role Reversal (Hosted by Dolan Wolf)

Episode 67: Brolapse Holiday Special: Boxing Day Role Reversal (Hosted by Dolan Wolf)

It’s the very first Brolapse Holiday Special 🎁 — and we’re flipping the script.Inspired by the UK tradition of Boxing Day (a day rooted in role reversal), Dolan Wolf returns—this time as guest host—a...

27 Des 20251h 18min

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