136 | The Art of Saying No: Reclaiming Your Time and Energy from People-Pleasing

Show Notes:

Today we’re exploring people-pleasing and how it affects our authenticity and family dynamics. You’ll learn 5 actionable steps to break free from the cycle and teach your family by example. Together we'll create a life where you can let go of what others think and be your best self.

Enjoy!

-Kendra

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Podcast on Assertiveness: 09 | Assertiveness: What I Learned from a Cultural View Shift & 3 Communication Styles Every Person Needs to Understand in Order to Succeed | FULFILLMENT THERAPY

Assertiveness Worksheet: Assertiveness Infographic

Boundary Exploration: Boundaries Extended Worksheet.pdf

Quotes:

• "People pleasing is like a silent killer of authenticity, eroding away at your true self." - Brené Brown
• "People-pleasing is a self-destructive and soul-suffocating habit that hooks you into always putting others’ needs before your own." - Michelle Pfeiffer
• "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Unknown
• "People-pleasing is not about kindness; it's about trying to control what others think of you." - Bryant McGill
• "People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice, it’s about seeking external validation to feel worthy." - Brené Brown
• "When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself." - Paulo Coelho
• "The moment you stop worrying about what others think about you, is the moment you start being yourself." - Unknown

Today I’m going to give you 5 tips to focus on. Do these 5 things as much as you can, and remember that it won’t be an overnight solution, but it will be the beginning of a beautiful change!

1. Self-awareness. Journal or leave voice memos. Get a counselor. You’ll need to explore your relationships and how you’re making it a one up or one down relationship. For now, just notice them, document them, and explore them through reflection.
2. Assertiveness training & Boundary Setting: Watch some YouTube videos, or listen to episode 9 on Assertiveness. Do the worksheets I created. The link for the assertiveness worksheet and boundary setting is the show notes too. Set boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
3. Self-compassion: Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that your worth is not dependent on others' approval. This takes time. Practice 1% by not agreeing right away and saying no in a safe space. Come up with your own mantra to remind you to have greater self-compassion or to let go of people-pleasing (I am safe to share my own wants and needs. I will advocate for myself and remember that I’m of equal worth and value as those around me)
4. Authenticity: Reconnect with your authentic self by expressing your true thoughts, feelings, and values without fear of judgment or rejection. This takes practice. Start by saying know 3 times this week.
5. Reframing beliefs: Challenge distorted beliefs about the importance of pleasing others and develop more balanced perspectives on relationships and self-worth.I will say no more often. In fact, say no first and then make a case to yourself for saying yes.