The High Performance Podcast4 Jun 2025

How Asking One Hard Question Builds Deeper Trust, with Alain de Botton

This new Essential Habits series breaks down the key habits behind high performance, one episode at a time. This week’s habit is deceptively simple: asking better questions.

Philosopher Alain de Botton joins us to explore how a single, uncomfortable question, “How have I annoyed you?” can deepen trust, defuse tension, and create stronger connections in every part of life.

Whether it’s at home, at work, or with close friends, we often avoid the conversations that would help us grow. Alain shows us a different way, one built on emotional generosity, honest listening, and the courage to be vulnerable.

In this episode, we explore:

Why awkward questions build trust
How to listen without getting defensive
The science behind emotional connection
What high-performing teams can learn from philosophy
The hidden power of backstories and being 'truly heard'

Here is a list of studies referenced in the episode:

The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness. Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron (1997)
Understanding the conversation gap: Why employees aren’t talking, and what we can do about it (Braverly), referenced in How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees. Harvard Negotiation Project
Rejection Really Hurts, published in Science (Oct 2003). University Of California - Los Angeles
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

Listen to the full episode with Alain De Botton here: https://pod.fo/e/1f5db0

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