#0213 - I WILL NOT RUN. - 06/13/2025

This episode of the Viktor Wilt Show took a nosedive off the high board of reason and belly-flopped straight into a pool filled with dream logic, spam urine, and demon portals. Viktor kicked things off by recapping a recent dream where he survived a solo skydive from a ghost plane with his truck onboard—classic metaphor for truck-related anxiety, obviously—and immediately transitioned into how Florida men with crazy eyes are now tapping knives on door cameras like it’s a casual Tuesday. The vibe only spiraled from there.

Viktor dissected jobs that suck way harder than advertised, from zookeepers and social workers to video game testers who live in a joyless dystopia of broken mechanics and crushed dreams. Then came the horror movie segment, where we learned that Candace Cameron believes watching The Exorcist might actually open a portal to hell, prompting Viktor to openly admit he’s probably opened hundreds of those by now and would gladly open more. Because horror fans, according to director Mike Flanagan, are the happiest people on earth—and frankly, after this episode, that’s the only kind of people we trust.

Peaches popped in to start a full-blown argument about why Viktor refused to run in a dumb TikTok challenge about outrunning Lieutenant Crain. Viktor stood his ground, citing age, dignity, and general hatred of movement, while Peaches accused him of being a content boomer who hides behind views from ancient YouTube interviews. It was the radio equivalent of two gremlins fighting in a Denny’s parking lot at 2 a.m.

Then it was time for Freak News, where Viktor reported that a Florida man urinated all over $10,000 worth of Spam and Vienna sausages at a Sam’s Club. As if that wasn’t enough to melt your brain, someone else was found perched on a radio tower in D.C., possibly just trying to steal the signal directly into their dreams. And in Canada, a group of burglars broke into an adult boutique and stole... well, things. Blurry, indescribable things. Nobody is sure why.

To wrap it all up, Viktor announced that he’ll be interviewing the hosts of his favorite podcast, Last Podcast on the Left, and giving away tickets to their live show. That, and the fact that Butte, Montana’s landfill now randomly contains unexploded military ordnance, means you should probably cancel your weekend plans and hide under your bed.

In short: dreams are scary, spam is ruined, horror fans are thriving, and Viktor is definitely not running anywhere. Not today. Not ever.

(0:00) Sleeping like crap and having weird dreams as of late
(5:13) Florida Man with crazy eyes stabs ring doorbell, Lori Daybell, Last Podcast on the Left
(9:32) Jobs that sound great but actually suck
(15:46) Candace Cameron says that horror movies and video games can open a demonic portal in your home
(19:04) Mike Flanagan says that horror fans are the nicest people on the planet
(22:57) Explosives found in Butte dump
(25:00) Friday The 13th, men struck by lightning on Texas golf course, man pees on Spam and vienna sausages
(31:13) Peaches is trying to force me to run this morning
(39:33) Adult shop in Canada robbed
(41:26) Parent walks up to bison in Yellowstone while holding baby
(43:35) The benefits of being tall and being short
(48:02) Last Podcast On The Left live show giveaways coming next week

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