Abandonment Fears, Automations, and Using Mindfulness to Make Changes

When I consider abandonment fear and where it potentially came from in my childhood I'm reminded of a few experiences. For instance, I recall how I was terrified one night around age 10 when I didn't know if my father (single parent) would return from his Pipe Band activities. Even though he had always returned, I feared that this time would be different. I started experiencing a sense of panic and dread and I remained in this charged and toxic state (more or less) until he returned, that is until I heard his car pull up in the driveway. I also recall following my sister around the house and the yard when she would be responsible for my babysitting until my father returned. I recall she was quite annoyed by this behaviour and that she would tell me to calm down and stop worrying. Unfortunately, this tended to aggravate the way I was feeling and increase my anxiety (invalidating my emotions). I can see now how it also likely reinforced my sense of being alone in the world, at least emotionally. I can further see how it probably enhanced my hypervigilance to hold onto people “for dear life” in relationships. If I didn't, according to my beliefs taking root at the time, then I would probably lose them. To read more, go to http://freebpdcourse.com and click on Podcast Newsletter!