How to Manage Your Emotions

How to Manage Your Emotions

What are emotions? Why do we feel anything at all? And more importantly — can we actually get better at feeling? In this episode, Drew and I dive headfirst into what might be the hardest question in all of psychology: what the actual f**k are emotions? We break down the biology, neuroscience, evolution, culture, and even language that shape how we feel — and why we often don’t understand what the hell is going on inside us. From ancient philosophy to brain scans, this is a deep (and occasionally weird) look into the emotional chaos that makes us human. We unpack everything from the origins of emotional intelligence (spoiler: it might be BS) to the science of emotional regulation, attachment styles, and the sneaky ways your culture wires your emotional defaults. Along the way, we explore why some relationships make you feel like a better person while others drain the life out of you, and how trauma, genetics, and childhood with your ability to keep it together. But this episode isn’t just about understanding emotions — it’s about learning how to work with them. And we give you a full emotional toolkit: a set of evidence-based tools to help you manage your emotions, build better relationships, feel more motivated, and yes — even feel more confident in yourself in the process. We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/emotions Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join Momentum, a community of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/emotions Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Chapters: 0:00:00 Introduction 0:04:47 Chapter 1: What Are Emotions? 0:14:04 The Emotional Brain 0:22:03 Neurotransmitters 0:34:25 Evolution of Emotions 0:39:53 How Life Experiences Shape Emotional Regulation 0:48:41 Conclusion on What are Emotions 0:49:45 Chapter 2: How Culture Influences Our Emotions 0:55:44 Vietnam Bike Story 1:00:05 Your Culture Trains You to Want Certain Feelings 1:06:00 Culture Decides Whether Suppression is a Superpower or a Liability 1:07:56 Paradox of Emotional Conformity 1:16:36 How Language Shapes What You Feel 1:29:23 Emotional Complexity 1:36:25 Your Emotions Are Social Currency 1:43:00 Conclusion to Culture defines our emotions 1:44:08 Chapter 3: Historical and Philosophical Traditions on Emotions 1:57:21 Modern Culture 1:59:00 Chapter 4: The Four Schools of Emotional Regulation 2:00:56 The Heart 2:08:55 The Head 2:18:37 The Soul 2:28:50 The Body 2:36:23 The Integrated Toolkit 2:48:25 Chapter 5: Brilliant or Bullshit: Emotional Intelligence 2:57:31 Chapter 6: Relationships and Emotional Regulation 3:09:54 Attachment Theory 3:27:29 Toxic Relationship 3:36:49 Building Emotional Compatibility 3:51:24 Conclusion Relationships 3:57:24 Chapter 7: 80/20 Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episoder(82)

Ask Mark Anything: Live from Australia

Ask Mark Anything: Live from Australia

Australia, you absolute legends. Back in November, I did a speaking tour across seven cities, talking to thousands of you about life, purpose, relationships, and why giving fewer fucks is the key to actually living a life you don’t hate. We recorded some of the best Q&A moments to share with you here on the podcast. We diving into the big existential stuff—how to stop procrastinating, how to know if a relationship is right for you, and whether Australia’s ban on social media for kids is actually a good thing or not. We’ll also talk about the brutal truth behind imposter syndrome, how to stop caring so much about what other people think, and one thing that actually helps you figure out what the hell you should be doing with your life. Plus, I’ll share some hard-earned wisdom on drinking, quitting, and why people stay in bad relationships way too long. So if you’ve ever felt stuck, lost, or just overwhelmed by the sheer absurdity of life, this one’s for you. Hit play and let’s get into it. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Follow me https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Chapters 00:00 Mark goes down under 02:10 How do you discover what truly matters to you?03:45 How can I stop procrastinating so much?07:26 How do you deal with negative thoughts and feelings after a trauma?09:39 How long should I wait on my "experiments" before I move on?13:18 How do you deal with people who want you to tell you how to live your life?14:36 What are some of the hardest things to give up?16:43 What's your best advice on marriage?19:40 Do you think we'll get back together?22:12 Is society rewarding more and more bad behavior?26:10 What are some tradeoffs that more people should do?28:55 What can your books and content teach children?31:57 How do you overcome imposter syndrome?34:00 How to know if your relationship is good enough for you?35:28 How can I deal with being overly empathetic and letting people walk all over me?38:58 What do you think of the ban on kids using social media in Australia?40:47 What's your advice for teenagers?42:44 How do you overcome analysis paralysis?44:38 How can you stop caring about other people's opinions so much?46:56 How can we be more relevant in the AI future?49:20 Why are so many good people not happy?51:46 How do you go about finding your purpose in life?54:38 What should I do if I'm focused too much on other people's problems instead of my own (codependency)?57:42 How do continue to overcome failure after failure?1:00:32 How can I find motivation to do anything when the world is so f*cked?1:04:15 How can we more fully face death, grief, and loss? Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery , used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Feb 1h 9min

How to Build a Life Full of Meaning and Purpose (ft. Arthur Brooks)

How to Build a Life Full of Meaning and Purpose (ft. Arthur Brooks)

Today, I sit down with Arthur Brooks, a renowned social scientist and happiness expert, for a deep dive into the realms of meaning, faith, and love. Our conversation takes unexpected turns as we explore the intersection of spirituality, psychology, and personal growth. From discussing the evolutionary roots of our search for meaning to examining the role of faith in modern life, this episode challenges conventional wisdom and offers fresh perspectives on age-old questions. We cover a wide range of topics, including the importance of boredom in fostering creativity, the dangers of political activism as a substitute for religion, and the keys to a successful marriage. Arthur shares insights from his work with the Dalai Lama, explains why young men are increasingly turning to religion, and offers advice on finding meaning in a world dominated by technology. Whether you're grappling with questions of faith, seeking to understand the nature of love, or simply looking for ways to live a more fulfilling life, this conversation will leave you with plenty to ponder and explore further. Arthur’s latest book with Oprah Winfrey: Build the Life You Want: https://www.amazon.com/Build-Life-You-Want-Science-ebook/dp/B0C38FCTJC All of Arthur’s books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Arthur-C.-Brooks/author/B001HOU7RE Arthur’s online workshop: https://www.scienceofhappier.com/ Arthur’s newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletter Arthur’s column in The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/ Follow Arthur: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/ https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/ https://x.com/arthurbrooks https://www.tiktok.com/@arthurcbrooks Chapters: 0:12 Arthur and Mark's failed music careers6:28 Trading meaning for acclaim11:41 How to live a more meaningful life19:28 Is finding meaning a 1st world problem?22:27 The role of religion and/or spirituality25:43 The meaning struggle for young men and women29:44 Is religion making a comeback?37:48 What's love got to do with it?45:12 The case for religious/spiritual practice49:58 Healthy forms of spirituality55:22 Dealing with toxic people59:52 Spotting the people who will bring you down1:02:44 Marriage and meaning Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Jan 1h 13min

Building Real Confidence, The Motivation Puzzle, and Understanding All Your “Parts”

Building Real Confidence, The Motivation Puzzle, and Understanding All Your “Parts”

Drew comes in hot today as we dig into the nitty gritty of confidence and motivation. We explore the counterintuitive idea that true confidence doesn't come from expecting success, but from being comfortable with failure. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt or felt demotivated despite external achievements, this episode might just change your perspective. We start by dissecting what I call the "Confidence Conundrum" and how it applies to various aspects of life, from business to relationships. Then, we challenge some long-held beliefs about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, discussing research that questions the idea that external rewards always undermine our natural interests. We wrap up with a thought-provoking exploration of Internal Family Systems theory and how understanding the different "parts" of our psyche can lead to greater self-integration. This is a grab bag episode that we had a lot of fun with, so I hope you enjoy it. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Chapters: 00:00 Drew comes in hot00:53 The F*ck of the Week: Confidence21:55 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation42:44 Q&A: What do you think of "parts work"? Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery , used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Jan 52min

How to Take Back Your Own Mind (ft. Tim Urban)

How to Take Back Your Own Mind (ft. Tim Urban)

Today, I'm joined by my old friend Tim Urban, the mastermind behind the wildly popular blog Wait But Why. Known for his ability to break down complex topics with humor and stick-figure drawings, Tim has captured the attention of millions worldwide. From his early days as a blogger to the release of his first book, "What's Our Problem?: A Self-Help Book for Societies," Tim has consistently delivered thought-provoking content that challenges our understanding of the world around us. In this episode, we dive into pressing issues like unfettered tribalism, the concept of "idea prisons," and the potential impact of AI on society. Tim also shares personal insights as a new parent and teases his upcoming book. It'll challenge your perspectives and leave you craving more of Tim's signature blend of depth, wit, and accessibility. Don't miss this captivating conversation that tackles the complexities of our modern world head-on. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Tim’s blog: Wait, But Why?: https://waitbutwhy.com/ Tim’s book: What’s Our Problem: https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Our-Problem-Self-Help-Societies-ebook/dp/B0BTJCTR58 Follow Tim: https://www.instagram.com/timurban https://x.com/waitbutwhy https://www.facebook.com/waitbutwhy Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Chapters 01:55 The virtue of changing your mind 05:31 What has Tim changed his mind about 11:43 Are we on the other side of insanity yet? 18:05 How new media platforms shape culture 29:30 AI and tribalism 40:11 Internal and external wars 44:04 Tim on being a new parent 47:34 How Tim's views changed after having a kid 50:29 Tim's next book Theme music: “Icarus Lives” by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Jan 55min

Breaking the Monoculture, the Rise of “Premium Mediocre”, and Choosing Your Suck

Breaking the Monoculture, the Rise of “Premium Mediocre”, and Choosing Your Suck

Ever feel like culture’s splitting into countless micro-worlds where everyone’s just vibing to their own thing? In this episode, I introduce my theory on the "Jazzification of Everything." Drew and I dive into how our subcultures of music, entertainment, and even personal obsessions have evolved into these aging communities, totally detached from the cultural monocultures of the past. Whether it’s metal fans in their forties or electronic music lovers growing older with their favorite DJs, we explore how the media landscape and algorithms have encouraged us to stick to what we know—and why this shift could be both a gift and a curse. We also dig into why “premium mediocre” is taking over our consumer habits, and whether or not that’s actually a bad thing. We discuss how these tiny, exclusive-seeming trends might be fooling us, offering superficial luxuries instead of anything truly valuable. We cap it off with a big question about whether chasing after anything is worth it, or if we’re just dooming ourselves to disappointment. Give it a listen. Enjoy. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Chapters 00:00 Mark has a theory...00:24 The F*ck of the Week: The Jazzification of Everything22:11 Brilliant or Bullsht: "Premium Mediocre"38:03 Q&A: Why chase anything at all? Follow me https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery , used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Jan 43min

How to Set Goals and Create Healthy Habits in 2025

How to Set Goals and Create Healthy Habits in 2025

In this special New Year's episode of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck podcast, we dive into the perennial challenge of making meaningful changes in our lives. Rather than falling into the typical "new year, new you" trap that leads most people to abandon their resolutions by February, Drew and I explore a different approach to personal transformation. We share our own struggles with perfectionism, control, and finding purpose. We also dig into some research about how evolution may have shaped our sense of purpose, the science of habit formation, and offer practical strategies for making lasting changes. Whether you're setting goals for the new year or just trying to build better habits, this episode will help you approach personal growth with more wisdom and less pressure in 2025. Enjoy. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Jan 54min

No Regrets, The Case Against Empathy, and Is AI Coming for Us All?

No Regrets, The Case Against Empathy, and Is AI Coming for Us All?

This week, we dive headfirst into the messy, uncomfortable topic of regret. From the aches and grays that come with hitting a new decade to the deeper realizations about relationships, selfish mistakes, and missed opportunities, we unpack how regret shapes who we are. And there's a twist: what if regret isn’t something to fear or avoid? What if it’s a tool for growth? I share my own stories of taking people for granted, self-destructive habits, and the lessons I’ve learned about self-forgiveness and choosing your regrets wisely. We also tackle some fascinating questions about whether empathy is actually good for society. Is it always a good thing, or can it sometimes lead us astray? To round things off, we share our thoughts on AI and its impact on creativity and human connection. Enjoy. Chapters 01:14 The F*ck of the Week: No Regrets? 19:36 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Is Empathy Always a Good Thing? 40:45 Q&A: Is AI coming for us all? Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Des 202453min

How to Get Lucky in Life and Take Smarter Risks

How to Get Lucky in Life and Take Smarter Risks

Today, we dive into the fascinating world of luck, risk, and how they shape our lives. We explore the delicate balance between playing it safe and taking chances, and why understanding this balance is crucial for personal growth. If you've ever wondered whether you're too cautious or not cautious enough, then strap in for this one. We dig into the psychology of luck, examining how our perceptions influence our outcomes, and why taking calculated risks can lead to outsized returns. We also tackle the tough question of how to cope with life's inevitable hardships. Hopefully this gives you a fresh perspective on risk-taking and a new appreciation for the role of chance in your life. Enjoy. 0:00 Mark’s in the doghouse 2:44 The F*ck of the Week: Making Your Own Luck? 19:00 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: We should take more risk in life? 36:47 Q&A: How should you approach taking bigger risks? Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Theme song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Des 202445min

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