Feeling of Burden on Relationships

In this week’s episode I’m going to be chatting to you about Relationships. More specifically, the feeling of being a burden within your relationships.

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By not being able to move out, my relationships with different people changed.

Of the two friends I was due to move in with, one stuck by me and one disappeared from my life without a second thought.

The one who stuck by me has been there regardless of how well I was and whether or not I could tolerate more than a few mins of a visit with him. We’ve known each other for over 25 years now and he saw me at my worst and helped me celebrate my little wins. All without judgement and expectation.

The rest of my established friendships disappeared as my peers moved on with their lives. Having said that, I went on to gain some rich friendships via the online chat rooms and messaging services I’ve mentioned before. A number of these friendships have never been face-to-face but we still keep up with each other and our respective lives. It’s great having people who truly understand what you’ve been through and the concerns that you can go on to have about getting back to a “normal” life.

But did I tell my friends or my family what it was really like to live with ME?

I found that I became dependant on my family for everything. This meant that pretty much everyone else was excluded until I found my online friends. They helped to keep me sane and gave me something to look forward to on the days I could managed to participate in the online chat.

I felt like things were very one sided. I felt like I was a burden to my family as I was dependent on them for so very much in my everyday life. Not only for some of the practical elements such as helping me wash, dress and prepare meals but also for bigger things. Things such as helping me apply for welfare support benefits, sorting out a SORN declaration for my car as it was off the road and even helping me out with being able to pay my bills whilst waiting for any welfare support to be confirmed and received.

The more I felt like I was becoming a burden, the more I tried to do and the more I over did things! That then knocked me back and I would have to start again. It was quite the vicious cycle and I got trapped in it a number of times.