055 – I’ve Found My Answers And Fulfillment Helping Other People

Katelyn followed her older adopted sister into rebellion against their adopted mother’s rule. Years later her husband suggested they do DNA tests when she got pregnant. Seeing relationships online she hadn’t considered before, she searched for her birth parents, uncovering family secrets and helping other adoptees in the family tree find theirs. At times, the search left Katelyn very puzzled, even totally dejected. She found her birth mother and sisters happy to meet her, and her birth father in prison.

Read Full TranscriptKatelyn: 00:05 I was never asked about my adoption in any depth it was mentioned, but I always feel like my therapies were like, how do we fix Katelyn now, to make her okay with her environment or how do we fix her so that she can go home and her parents can manage her? It was never like, what’s going on with you? How were you feeling? What can we do to make your life better?

Voices: 00:35 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am? Who am I?

Damon: 00:47 This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Katelyn. When I spoke to her, she was living in New York City planning a move to northern Virginia. Well, what you’re about to hear is her story of rebellion against her mother’s rule when they lived in Pennsylvania and her eventual investigation into her roots in Florida and South Carolina. At times the search left, Katelyn very puzzled and even totally dejected. After an intensive search, she found her birth mother and sisters and her birth father in prison. I hope you’ll forgive the audio on this episode. This is Katelyn’s journey. The first five years of Katelyn’s life were picture perfect. Her parents had been married for quite a while and struggled with infertility when they decided to adopt through Catholic charities. Katelyn had an older adopted sister, but she wasn’t nearly as curious about adoption as Katelyn. Unfortunately, Katelyn’s parents divorced when she was about six.

Katelyn: 01:59 around the age of eight or so. My mom gave me an envelope. I had my non identifying information in it. I think I was about eight, yeah. My sister adoption was with a lawyer and her mother was a teenager. That’s literally all that we know, but my mother was older, and put in a lot of information apparently. Of course, you never know if that information is true or false. There was something that gave me a sense of what was possible. It was fairly detail.

Damon: 02:33 Do you know why? Why she gave it to you at the age of eight? Was it because you had been that inquisitive up until that point?

Katelyn: 02:40 I think it was to kind of shut me up because she, I would, I would pick her brain and even to this day I still asked her certain questions.

Damon: 02:49 Those pages were full of health information and a lot of background about her maternal side, but very little about her paternal side. One section described her birth mother as light complected and Katelyn’s caseworker told her adopted mother at the time that she and the birth mother resembled one another. Katelyn describes herself as having very curly hair. She says her skin tans very easily and her boyfriend growing up now, husband speculated that perhaps she was Puerto Rican. A best friend even asserted that her birth father was probably black, but Katelyn never knew for herself. She said during those early years, her parents began to fight. Their divorce was imminent, and even as a little girl, she could feel the tension between them. Katelyn, her mother and her sister had moved to central Pennsylvania back then and her maternal grandparents moved there too from the Midwest in order to help their daughter raise Katelyn and her older sister. Her mother studied in night school. So Katelyn spent the evenings at her grandparents and they got very attached to one another,

Katelyn: 03:58 I ended up spending a lot of time with them, I was very outgoing and active and my mother, you know my adopted mother, was under a lot stress and I don’t think she was prepared. She raised two girls on her own, Dad was still in the picture, but he was a pharmacist, he worked a lot, we only saw them every other weekend, so pretty much she had full responsibility for us. Living with my grandparents I developed an extraordinarily close relationship with my grandfather. Probably the only true father figure I had growing up. He’s my best friend. He was a quiet man, but he, one thing he always told me, is you’re not gonna learn anything if you don’t ask questions. My mom tried to raise me as being seen and not heard, and yet my grandpa, my grandfather, and my adopted aunt, my mom’s sister in law, they kind of embraced my personality and my, you know, my, my story, I guess

Damon: 04:54 Katelyn believes her adoptive mother was deeply impacted by her inability to have children naturally. She was raised on a pathway that would make her a good wife and mother. So when she couldn’t have children, she may have felt like she wasn’t good enough. Katelyn says her adoptive mother was very controlling and they’re opposing personalities, made their home life challenging

Katelyn: 05:17 from a very early age. I remember she, she controlled everything. Even down to the toys I played with. Like I had no choice in my own self expression. And I’m someone who, I’m someone who is artistic and musical and I don’t ever shut up. Very active and she’s just the complete opposite of all of...