026 – I’ve Got A Second Mom And I Can Love Them Both

At 16 years old, Ron decided to satisfy his curiosity about his first family. But his search was challenging. He was born on a South Carolina Air Force Base that had closed, the internet didn’t have the reach that it has now, and AncestryDNA’s connections didn’t help. He recruited the help of a search angel who recognized important information in the search that Ron hadn’t seen before. In the end, his mother was glad to be found, and he got some answers about himself and his family. Check out Ron’s site FindingTrueFamily.com

The post 026 – I’ve Got A Second Mom And I Can Love Them Both appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Ron (00:03):

I pick up my phone, I start dialing the number and my hands are shaking. I'm bawling like a baby, you know, 42 year old bawling like a baby. I just, I, there was no way I could make it go and I'm not even sure what I was afraid of or why I couldn't do it, but I just could not do it.

Voices (00:27):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:38):

This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Ron from South Carolina. He says his reunion journey started in his teens but didn't yield any results until he was in his forties. During that time, he tried a variety of tactics to try to locate someone that he was related to who might have some helpful information about his birth family. In the end, the amazing work of his search angel led him to his birth mother and his relatives in Missouri and North Carolina. Ron was born in 1974 and placed for adoption immediately. His family expanded in 1980 when his parents adopted Ron's sister, whom you'll meet in a later episode. Ron shared that he grew up with the knowledge that he was adopted and had a good life with his family, but he always had that natural curiosity to search for his original family. It was about 16 years old when he began his search. I asked why that age was the time he began the journey.

Ron (01:51):

Well, I was, uh, you know, of course, born in 1974, um, placed for adoption pretty much immediately. Was actually adopted by one family and for whatever reason it didn't work out, so they had to send me back. Um, but I was only eight or nine months old when my adoptive parents and got me. So, you know, obviously I have no memory of the first one. Um, I've known since day one since before I could understand that I was adopted and that, uh, you know, the story I was always told and heard that is relatively true, that my birth mom was a young girl. Uh, 16 years old, couldn't take care of me. So she wanted to place me for adoption. So that a family that could take better care of me could uh, raise me. So like I've always known I was adopted. My parents adopted another child, my sister and I about the same time I reconnected with my birth mom, she found her birth mom.

Damon (02:46):

I asked Ron what kinds of thoughts or expectations he had about his search before it began. He says he knew it could unfold many different ways. So he steeled himself for what things might happen. Ron went his search with no real expectations. He really just wanted to satisfy his curiosities. He had no hard feelings about being placed in adoption and he was thankful for the life he had led. Still, Ron braced himself for the possibilities that his mother might not want anything to do with him. And there was a specific physical trait about himself that he wanted to know the origins of.

Ron (03:20):

Well, I, you know, like I said, it had always been a curiosity of mine just to know, you know, who my, who, my birth family was. I think more my birth mother. That's really the only, only one I was ever concerned about. And I guess that's because department of social services in South Carolina would not release non identifying information to a child until they were 16 so my parents always told me that, you know, if, if you want to search for her, we'll help you every step of the way, you know when you turn 16 you can order that information and you know, we'll see where it leads. Of course at the time, and it's been what, 27 years ago or so, there was no Ancestry DNA. Internet was in its infancy. I was already active on the internet, but it still wasn't a, it didn't have near the reach it does today. So, you know, it really wasn't, it wasn't a need to know, you know, just, just the curiosity that I had to satisfy.

Damon (04:10):

So you, you reached out at 16 at the very age that you were legally able to do so. What kinds of thoughts did you have prior to 16 years old about your search and what you might find and what you hoped for?

Ron (04:21):

You know, it's funny because from day one, I don't think I had any real expectations, but I knew that, you know, that was a very good possibility that my birth mother, you know, might want absolutely nothing to do with me. You know, I didn't really set up high expectations. It was just, just that curiosity and I wanted to satisfy, you know, it, I had no hard feelings about being adopted, about being placed for adoption. You know, it was, I had a relatively normal life, you know, it just, uh, now I, I do have a, uh, what's always been called a birthmark that kind of my left ear is a bit deformed and I always kinda wondered if that could run in the family.

Damon (05:02):

You're 16, you've reached out to social services and they've given you what I believe you said was non identifying information. So what did you do next?

Ron (05:10):

Well, I had that information and I learned that, you know, my birth mother was 16, which I already knew. I learned that she lived on Myrtle Beach Air Force base so she could be from anywhere in the country. Uh, so that, that was a little bit disheartening in the search. But I went to Myrtle Beach and just poured through the, you know, microfiche um, newspapers and tried to contact several people that had been stationed at Myrtle Beach Air Force base before it closed. Um, because I also find out from their information at my birth mom had worked for the, uh, officer's club at Myrtle Beach Air Force base and it was just kind of my feeling that you know, perhaps there weren't that many 16 year olds working in there at the time cause I didn't have a clue. Um, but it was just a lot of dead ends. There was, you know, I had no direction. It was just basically, you know, looking for a needle in a haystack with...