095 – I Tested Her To See If She’d Give Up

Laura called me via Skype, would you believe, from Falkirk Scotland. Laura told the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world, and her quest to meet them. When she met her biological mother things started slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn’t going to leave again — and she didn’t — then she did. Laura’s developed a great connection with her paternal sister, even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura’s journey.

The post 095 – I Tested Her To See If She’d Give Up appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Laura (00:03):

Yeah,

Laura (00:03):

That would see her call and she would text me and I just, I couldn't, I didn't feel able to respond. I was too frightened to answer and to go into, I don't know why I was maybe texting her, maybe just to see if she would give up on me, but she doesn't.

intro (00:24):

Who am I? Who am I? Who

intro (00:27):

am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:31):

Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Laura. She called me via Skype. Would you believe from fallkirk, Scotland. Laura told me the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world and her quest to meet them when she met her biological mother. Things started out slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn't going to leave again and she didn't. Then she did. Laura developed a great connection with her paternal sister even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura's journey. If you heard last week show with Barry, you're probably wondering what's up with all of these guests from Scotland all of a sudden, I promise you it was purely coincidence that Laura's story followed his. Laura made time to speak with me after running two races that morning, uh, 5k and a 10K. so as we settled into her recovery time, I asked Laura to take me back to the beginning of her journey, which started in Alloa Clackmannanshire. And yes, I really wanted to say Clapman Shire.

Laura (01:48):

Well, I feel like I approach my own story with caution because so much of it is only known from the social work records that I have and from the stories that my adoptive parents told me. Um, from what I know, my parents, who I was born to, were and our relationship for our own nine months. And that came to an abrupt end upon the discovery of my mom being pregnant with me. And I think she only discovered that pregnancy at around five months. Then so quietly, wow. My parents worked in the hotel trade. My mum was a training trainee chef and my dad was a waiter and when I was born, my mother was aged 20 and my dad was 33 so she was quite young. And my dad, my dad was fairly young, but he was in the middle of a, a second divorce. Um, so I think maybe my mom had been an affair or maybe I rebound following the breakdown of his marriage. Um, so I often wonder if when I was conceived and by what, by what accident of failed contraception or drunk and forgetfulness, I came to be, eh, but the, the decision to have me placed and to care seemed to send around, eh, the lack of support that my mom had from my father and from our family. And maybe I'll lack of confidence on her part and perhaps a lack of money because where she was working, she, you still have end the hotels. And when I was born she was living in homeless accommodation.

Damon (03:25):

So Laura's birth mother was living in a homeless shelter that September while she was in the hospital for eight days before moving to foster care. She stayed there for three months until she met her adoptive parents who took her home in December of that year. Laura was rattling off the facts of her chapter one backstory when she said this,

Laura (03:45):

If it feels so unpassionate, they talk to them about the story because it doesn't feel like it's about me. The fact I was born with a different name. It makes it feel like that baby is someone else.

Damon (03:54):

I know.

Laura (03:56):

it feels like recounting the story of a stranger, but for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was adopted and it felt like my family accessed it as ghosts walking around. In my mind. They weren't physically there, but it felt like they would ever present.

Damon (04:14):

Are you referring to your birth family?

Laura (04:16):

Yeah. Yeah. it felt like. it felt like my birth family, I knew, I knew that they were there, but for whatever reason I wasn't sure why I didn't ask bucket and half of them. Um, so it was a bit strange.

Damon (04:29):

Laura's adoptive parents mentioned to her one day that there was a possibility that she had biological siblings. The announcement made her really curious about what parts of herself were out there. I asked Laura about when she remembered having that ghostly feeling.

Laura (04:44):

I think one day my adoptive mom and I were having an argument. I was only maybe about seven or eight and I think I was misbehaving and I must've really upset my adoptive mum and she said to me, in anger. You know, you can go back to your birth mom, we can send you back. And my reply was when I'm at that stage, she got really, really angry and I think it was from then it seemed to validate that my family were real and that they were out there, I wonder what they looked like. I became a lot more conscious of the fact that I didn't look like anyone and I think that's when, that's when it became more prominent. I think

Damon (05:31):

Laura describes herself as having fair light, blonde hair in a family of Brown haired parents. It wasn't a stark difference enough to prevent her from passing as their child with others, but it was striking to her that she had no similarities with them. No one's mouth, eyes, nose or jawline. She said the differences weren't significant to her. Just noticeable. But it became pronounced when she noticed the joy her parents, other people took and comparing themselves to their own parents. Of course, family similarities and dissimilarities are not limited to physical traits. Did you notice any differences in your own personality traits in likes and dislikes?

Laura (