The Psychology of your 20s25 Sep 2025

336. Why do we crave external validation?

In our twenties, the feedback sources that once defined our worth - grades, report cards, and parental praise - start to disappear. This leaves a void, which many of us instinctively turn to external sources like social media, career achievements, and the opinions of others, to fill. And while this external validation isn’t inherently bad, we need to be mindful of refilling our own sense of self before becoming reliant on others.

In this episode, we discuss why a life built on others' approval is like living on quicksand and how to cultivate a sturdy, reliable sense of self that will withstand the inevitable ebb and flow of external opinions.

We’ll explore:

• The difference between external and internal validation
• Why our brains are wired to seek social approval
• The looking glass self and the inherent need to belong
• How contingent self-esteem can quietly erode confidence
• How to recognise when you’re outsourcing your self-worth
• Balancing feedback without letting it define you

If the number of likes on your Instagram post has ever dictated how you feel - this episode is for you.

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The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

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