Self-Compassion Ain’t Always Soft | Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion Ain’t Always Soft | Kristin Neff

There’s a widely held assumption that if you have a warmer, friendlier relationship with yourself, you will not only slack off and be ineffective, but also that you will be a doormat. My guest today says: not true. She’s making the case that self-compassion, when properly understood, can lead to a kind of ferocity. It can help you stand up for yourself and others. Kristin Neff is the central pioneer in the field of self-compassion research and her work has had a massive impact on me and my own work. She is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She’s the author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and now she has a new book, called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. This conversation is for everyone, whether you identify as a woman or not. These concepts are universal, although, as you will hear Kristen argue, there is special importance for women. And speaking of gender, we are dedicating this week to that subject. Coming up on Wednesday, we’re going to talk about masculinity with a guest named Daniel Ellenberg. In this episode with Kristin Neff, we talk about: tender self-compassion vs. fierce self-compassion; the three main forms of fierce self-compassion; how to take a fierce self-compassion break; destructive vs. constructive anger; why she wrote the book specifically for women, and why you should read it, regardless of your gender socialization; how men can help the women in their lives develop this kind of ferocity; and how self-compassion can help us face our biases. For more resources on self-compassion, you can download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-360

Episoder(932)

Tom Bergeron, 'Dancing With the Stars' Host

Tom Bergeron, 'Dancing With the Stars' Host

On a live show, anything can happen, but Tom Bergeron trusts he can handle it. The host of ABC's hit dancing competition show, "Dancing With the Stars," has been meditating for over 35 years and credits his years of TM practice for keeping his cool and "responding appropriately" on the fly in front of judges, contestants and a live studio audience, as well as managing "a really bad temper."

20 Sep 201738min

Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

Gretchen Rubin, 'The Four Tendencies'

In her new book, "The Four Tendencies," best-selling author and speaker Gretchen Rubin breaks down what she denotes as four different personality profiles -- Upholder, Questioner, Obligor and Rebel. Rubin, who is also the host of the popular podcast, "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," and calls herself an "Upholder," says "The Four Tendencies" help explain how we form or break habits, how we respond to "inner" expectations of ourselves, such as keeping a New Year's resolution, and how we meet "outer" expectations from others, such as making a work deadline.

13 Sep 20171h

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Daniel Goleman, Dr. Richard Davidson, 'Altered Traits' (Bonus!)

Dan Goleman and Richie Davidson, both titans in their respective fields and best-selling authors, have co-written a new book out now entitled, "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body." Goleman, a renowned psychologist and science journalist, and Davidson, a prominent neuroscientist and founder of the Center for Healthy Minds, talk about their cutting-edge research in this new book, comparing brain activity of "Olympic level" meditators (such as monks) to meditation beginners and how mindfulness can be restorative for brain health.

8 Sep 20171h 11min

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss, Buddhist Chaplain at Rikers Island

Justin von Bujdoss was working as a hospice chaplain in New York City, traveling all over the five boroughs and greater metropolitan area to visit patients, when he began volunteering at the city's notorious Rikers Island Jail. Von Bujdoss started out teaching meditation to groups of female inmates, but now he's the first ever staff chaplain for the city's Department of Corrections, providing spiritual and emotional support for officers, and he talks about seeing suffering on both sides of prison life.

6 Sep 201747min

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Jaimal Yogis, A Surfer's Quest for Zen

Being out on a surfboard, when it's just you and the ocean, is "a meditative space," Jaimal Yogis said, "There's a certain amount of solitude that's just built into the experience." The longtime surfer and meditation teacher talks about his first memoir, "Saltwater Buddha," a coming-of-age story about running away at 16 and buying a one-way ticket to Maui to surf, joining a monastery and almost becoming a Zen monk and then launching a journalism career, and his second memoir, "All Our Waves Are Water," which is out now.

30 Aug 201744min

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

Robert Wright, 'Why Buddhism is True' (Bonus!)

"Progress on the meditation path tends to involve moral progress. You tend to become a better person as well as a happier person... I personally think that you should not be allowed to call yourself enlightened if you're a jerk," said Robert Wright, a best-selling author with extensive knowledge on philosophy and religion. Wright, whose new book out now is titled, "Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment," offers his thoughts (and skepticism) on what it means to achieve true enlightenment and whether mindfulness meditation could change the world.

25 Aug 20171h 2min

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes, Grammy-Winning Artist

LeAnn Rimes has been making a name for herself and her powerful voice since her early teens -- she's the youngest person ever to win a Grammy -- and the country music star's career includes writing books and appearing in TV series and movies, including the new film, "Logan Lucky." In our interview, Rimes opens up about another side of her life: How meditation has changed how she feels about herself and interacts with others.

23 Aug 201722min

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

Ethan Nichtern, 'The Dharma of The Princess Bride'

"I don’t claim that ['The Princess Bride'] is a Buddhist story, but I do think it has some Buddhist elements," Ethan Nichtern said. "It's a deconstructed fairytale that's... really about trying to navigate relationships from this space of compassionately not knowing." Nichtern, a senior teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, uses moments from the cult-classic movie in his upcoming book, "The Dharma of The Princess Bride," out Sept. 12, to illustrate his personal life -- he says his father's best friend is actor Christopher Guest, who plays the notorious "six-fingered man" -- and to discuss having compassion when figuring out relationships.

16 Aug 201759min

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