We Choose Our Responses & They Define Our Lived Experience w/ Yale Director of Emotional Intelligence Marc Brackett

You know this quote, “It's not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it's how many times you get back up.” The quote is attributed both to legendary army officer George Custer and legendary football coach Vince Lombardy. As I said in a previous episode in this series, I get this concept if you’re in the middle of a battle or football game. But otherwise, I feel it’s fairly misleading and has us all missing out on available growth from our challenges. If you are alive, you will encounter something you desired to achieve, not working out, or something negative you didn’t choose, happening to you. And there you are. How you deal with it has to do with your ultimate life success and achievement, and your general well-being…right down to your health and wellness. Just “getting back up again” or persevering may or may not positively serve you any more than being overcome and defeated. This is my wrap-up on the message and discussions with Dr Neeta Bhushan and the message in her new book, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. It brought me to grappling with how we as a society tend to polarize and view someone as an overcomer or a quitter. Like it’s simply two ends of a rope instead of a multifaceted spectrum with a lot of nuances. Walk with me a moment through some aspects I’m pondering and seeking to apply to my life. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Mar 202316min

Being authentic is a big buzzword in our culture today. We want authenticity from others and we want to claim our own authenticity. Yet you’re about to get schooled in a stark, yet hopeful reality, and it starts with understanding and accepting that nobody comes into adulthood being authentically who they are, and discovering your true authenticity is a massive undertaking. The hope in this is in realizing that most of your personal struggles in your relationship with yourself and others and even the world, can only get better from this point as you start stepping into your authentic self. Two big points you are about to hear; You come into this world with an already installed operating system based on your genetics and it is further programmed and hardwired in during your upbringing. So you leave home with a solid OS. You don’t wake up on your own free and authentic. This is realization number one. Two, from the moment you come into this world your natural desire is to attach to others and this is far more important than being the authentic you, to the point you never really experience the authentic you. Right now, whether you are a navy seal, executive, stay at home parent or student you have spent your life with a priority of belonging and being attached to others far superseding being who you really are. And it’s diminished your entire life. My guest, expert, and guide on this subject is Vienna Pharaon. Her new book is called The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love. Vienna has been posting her insights, driven from thousands of patient encounters, on Instagram has nearly 700k followers tuning in to find their authentic selves. Vienna Pharaon is a licensed marriage and family therapist and one of New York City’s most sought after relationship therapists. She has practiced therapy for over fifteen years and is the founder and owner of the group practice, Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy. Pharaon has been featured in The Economist, Netflix, Vice, and Motherly, and has led workshops for Peloton and Netflix, amongst others. The Origins of You is her first book and is endorsed by renowned therapists such as Nedra Glover Tawwab and Whitney Goodman who I’ve had on this show. As of this recording The Origins of You is at the top of the charts in Amazon. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Mar 20231h 18min

This is a crux of the show we came to. When bad things happen, hard things happen, we want to know why. We want to figure it out so it doesn’t happen again. This is wisdom. But sometimes challenges and traumas happen that we submit - can’t be reconciled. That may ruffle the feathers of some people’s faith structure, which we’re going to do more of in this episode. This is part 3 on Neeta Bhushan and the message in her new book, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. To discuss recovery from challenge, trauma and even tragedy I brought on a co-host who has been through more than his fair share. Richie Norton was my guest for the second time in October, 2022 where we talked about the message in his book, Anti-Time Management. He has a powerful story which you’ll hear in just a moment, and we use it to tackle some weighty subjects. Richie shares times of literally asking, “Does God hate me?” It was from this we got into grappling with our staunch desire to reconcile everything when sometimes we simply can’t. And how to move past this. We discuss the futility of blame and Richie shares his quest to "Be better, not bitter." We discuss the mental difference of dealing with hard things that happen to us vs when we are the hard thing, meaning, we and maybe others suffer from our personal mistakes and failures. And we dig into Richie sharing how, through his family’s journey they sometimes took considerable time to grieve and recover and didn’t try to rush the recovery process. I think this will be a very hopeful episode for many of you who have endured hard things, and a greatly equipping episode for those of you who will. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Get 20% off the entire InsideTracker store when you sign up at insidetracker.com/HELPFUL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Mar 202354min

My great friend. My doctor. My co-host here on the Functional Friday episodes. Randy James. Medical Doctor and Functional Medicine expert. For the first years of knowing each other I pestered him with what the core pillars of health were and he’d always push back with the answer that…”It depends! What is core for one person may not be for another. It’s very personal to each person’s makeup and pathology.” So in this episode, I tried to hit him up again, but this time, I succeeded. I posed the question of what aspect of health is #1. I really expected some lively discourse. Instead, we actually came into an answer. At face value it’s an unfair question, which is why I wanted to spar with Randy on it, as again the entire point of Functional Medicine and our show is how individualized and unique our personal health is and there is no one size fits all solution. So to ask what aspect of health is number one is not a fair question. But as we talked about the concept of, “If you can only pick one area of health, which is most important?” we found ourselves coming to an actual agreement and bit of a revelation. To be candid, we recorded this show about a year ago and since then it’s forever altered my outlook on my health and wellness and some specific routines. I’ll give you the answer. It is…sleep. Your recovery. But I implore you to listen in and find out why, as if I had simply been told this without the grappling behind it, I don’t think I would have accepted it to the level I have. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Get free chicken nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at butcherbox.com/SELFHELPFUL and use code SELFHELPFUL. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17 Mar 202349min

I’m betting you would benefit from a getaway. It might be a couple hours. Or an afternoon. Maybe a day, and maybe a few days. But here is the thing. Everyone who knows you will benefit too. Your family. Your co-workers. Your employees. Chances are they desperately need you to get out and fill up some so they get more than the dregs. This is a quick message that I may be more qualified to offer than nearly anyone you know. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Get free chicken nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at butcherbox.com/SELFHELPFUL and use code SELFHELPFUL. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

16 Mar 202315min

One of the gravest dangers of our lives is, we don’t know what we don’t know. I don’t think I’m dumb, but I will always have areas of ignorance to address. Ignorance is merely - lacking knowledge, information, or awareness about a particular thing. It’s our job to continually pursue our own self-awareness. I’m back with Dr Neeta Bhushan, author of That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. This is Part 2 where I walk with Neeta through her personal Values, Motives, and Habits. It was in discussing her spirituality where she talked about RSA; radical self-awareness, and taking responsibility for our blind spots. As time goes on this is where I put the greatest value for myself, and others. I’ve found people with exceptional success in some areas who suffer greatly, especially relationally and with personal peace, because they are forward-thinking and achieving, but not internally focused and aware. I have been one of those people. Neeta and I get more into this shortly. Another topic, relationships, Neeta talked about her desire for authentic relationships. Deep relationships. And I said, yes, we all want that. But many people struggle with how to find and have these and she surprised me with a resource she has on just that, how to create authentic relationships. Sign up at thatsuckednowwhat.com/resources and she’ll send it to you. We cover her personal health values, money and more, and I was intrigued in the work and career section where we ended up, in alignment with radical self-awareness, discussing in our work the need for and opportunity in RPA; radical purpose awareness. This was a rich discussion. Dr Neeta Bhushan founded the Global GRIT Institute and is cofounder of Dharma Coaching Institute. She has over 165,000 followers on Instagram and a popular podcast, The Brave Table where people tune in to hear her guidance on bouncing back. Check out the new book, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. The Self-Helpful podcast was founded by the Zig Ziglar corporation. If you are a coach or consultant and want to add credibility, clients, and impact to your business, go to Ziglar.com Get free chicken nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at butcherbox.com/SELFHELPFUL and use code SELFHELPFUL. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Mar 20231h 5min

In this episode, I kick off a series on bouncing back. Being resilient is the latest buzzword. But it's all another way of discussing how to recover from a setback. I have a few issues with the concept that I feel cause us all to miss what bouncing back really entails and how to effectively do it in our lives. And not just simply bounce back, but bounce back...better. A common phrase in the self-help world is, “It's not how many times you get knocked down that count, it's how many times you get back up.” The quote is attributed both to legendary army officer George Custer and legendary football coach Vince Lombardy. If you're talking about getting knocked down on the battlefield or football field, it makes sense. But in our lives, if we keep getting knocked down, just getting back up only to get knocked down again may showcase we haven't learned anything. If we are pursuing growth and evolution we will likely continue to face setbacks, but hopefully, they are at higher and higher levels and the setbacks aren't as severe. So just getting back up isn't the point, we want to learn from the knockdown and be wiser for it. Next, there are two different knockdown realities. One is when we get knocked down by someone or something. We are victimized in essence. Getting back up from this takes one perspective. But often we are knocked down by ourselves. By our own mistakes and failures. Getting back up from these takes a different type of mental power. Then also, some people have never been up to a point they want to bounce back to, as they were raised in a knocked-down level of existence. To take on this topic and these issues I've brought to you, Dr Neeta Bhushan. You'll want to hear the full story and details that make what I'm about to tell you even more profound, but when Neeta was 16 her mom died. When she was 17 her brother died. Then when she was 19 her Dad died and she became caregiver for her younger brother. She went on to have some great success or I wouldn't be talking to her now. But how the story goes will impact you. She started a successful cosmetic dentist business. She married and then divorced from an abusive marriage. She founded the Global GRIT Institute and is cofounder of Dharma Coaching Institute. She has over 165,000 followers on Instagram and a popular podcast, The Brave Table where people tune in to hear her guidance on bouncing back. And now she has a new book titled, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. If you go to thatsuckednowwhat.com Neeta has a free 44 page guide you can have. We cover deep territory in regards to what resilience and bouncing back really is and how it differs, depending on...a lot. Other sponsors include Peloton! Try Peloton risk free with a 30 day home trial (new members only; not available in remote locations). See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial. Get free chicken nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at butcherbox.com/SELFHELPFUL and use code SELFHELPFUL. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Mar 20231h 29min

Take all the self-help organizations in the world and you’ll be hardpressed to find any with as great a success record as AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s free. Volunteer based. Informal. And yet it fulfills a primary human need; accountability. You have the group to commune with and receive support from, and you get a sponsor. It’s not someone following you around and slapping your hand every time you reach for a drink, but it’s someone who you know understands, cares, and will be there when you need it for support and encouragement. Another winner is Weight Watchers, founded in 1963, and to date is one of the most successful weight loss organizations of all time. Same reason. Social accountability. The support and encouragement from others. In recent times Peloton is a shining example of harnessing social accountability and support to the tune of an $8 billion dollar valuation and possibly claiming the top slot of top “unicorn investments” of all time. Social accountability is powerful because it works. This is my Functional Friday episode where we focus on our health and wellness so we have the physical and mental capacity to help ourselves and others…and today we talk about the value of accountability. As powerful as social accountability is, our ultimate goal is to create personal accountability. The definition of accountability is, the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility. Where social accountability helps by being responsible to others, personal accountability is far stronger and enduring, when you are responsible for and to yourself. In this episode we cover some key aspects to harnessing and developing both social and personal accountability in order to achieve the health and wellness you desire. The Self-Help(ful) podcast is brought to you by Ziglar, your premier source for equipping coaches to help leaders and top performers excel professionally and personally. Visit Ziglar.com and let them inspire your true coaching performance. Other sponsors include Peloton! Try Peloton risk free with a 30 day home trial (new members only; not available in remote locations). See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial. Get free chicken nuggets for a Year and 10% off your first box when you sign up today at butcherbox.com/SELFHELPFUL and use code SELFHELPFUL. Go to Zocdoc.com/KEVIN and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10 Mar 202352min