EP 147: Alayna Joy — Coming out to 400k Subscribers, Queerness in Climbing, and Compulsory Heterosexuality

Alayna Joy is a queer content creator and YouTuber, and newly obsessed climber. We talked about her journey of discovering she is gay, coming out publicly on her already-successful YouTube channel, how climbing has become an anchor for her, compulsory heterosexuality, questions we should ask ourselves, queerness in climbing, why our climbing progress slows down over time, and much more.

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We are supported by these amazing BIG GIVERS:

• Leo Franchi, Michael Roy, David Lahaie, Robert Freehill, Jeremiah Johnson, Scott Donahue, Eli Conlee, Skyler Maxwell, Craig Lee, Mark and Julie Calhoun, and Yinan Liu

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Show Notes:

thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/alayna-joy

Nuggets:

0:06:36 – Julio

0:09:27 – Places that feel like home

0:16:32 – Feeling like I already know Alayna from watching her channel, and parasocial relationships

0:19:37 – Sharing her story to make others feel less alone

0:21:39 – Starting her YouTube channel in high school, her first three videos, and hitting 800 subscribers

0:27:30 – Working as a server during university, and getting her first YouTube brand deal

0:31:38 – The phenomenon of being an introvert and a content creator

0:34:39 – Bisexuality, and the first time Alayna came out

0:37:54 – Being in a serious relationship with a man, and feeling disconnected from her queerness

0:42:54 – Coming out to her partner as gay, and talking herself out of it

0:46:25 – The constant little voice in her head convincing her she was happy

0:48:08 – “The big oopsie”

0:51:26 – Being afraid that she was playing into bisexual stereotypes by coming out as gay

0:54:41 – Compulsory heterosexuality (comp het), and why it took Alayna so long to realize she was gay

0:58:08 – Why Alayna thought she was demiromantic for most of her adult life

1:00:19 – Seeing the world through new eyes

1:05:16 – “I’m in therapy, and I’M TIRED!”

1:06:05 – Alayna pays me a very nice compliment, and I talk about drawing people in and hoping they learn something that goes beyond rock climbing

1:10:43 – I come out as not a lesbian, and Alayna asks everyone listening to ask themselves a question

1:12:54 – “Climbing is gay.”

1:18:36 – How climbing became an anchor for Alayna

1:21:17 – Working on her relationship with climbing

1:23:32 – Making quick progress as climbers early on, why our progress slows over time, and the magic of climbing

1:32:01 – The stories our brains tell us

1:34:36 – So Cards! (socards.org, use code NUGGET for 20% off)

1:36:29 – So Cards question 1: “If you never had to worry about money, what’s one goal that you would dedicate yourself to?”

1:40:00 – So Cards question 2: “When you were a kid, what scared you about growing up?”

1:46:05 – So Cards question 3: “What do you think people tend to take for granted in their relationships?”

1:53:14 – You’re not alone, and living your life as your most authentic self

1:56:00 – Patron question from Wren: How was your experience finding a queer community within the larger climbing community, and do you have any tips for queer climbers finding these spaces?

2:00:26 – Where to find Alayna on the internet