The God I Need - November 11th 2025

November 11th 2025

In this milestone 300th episode of Fighting For Ukraine, Ukrainian journalist-turned-soldier, now war Veteran Yuriy marks his 45th birthday on the front lines — another year lived inside the Ukraine war. What should have been a day of celebration is instead filled with reflection, grief, and quiet resilience.

Yuriy looks back on the years the war has taken — from 41 to 45 — and the many personal losses along the way, including the recent passing of his beloved cat, his longtime companion and namesake for his army call sign. Through this heartfelt story, Yuriy opens up about the loneliness of a soldier’s life, the pain of being far from aging parents, and the small, sacred comforts that keep hope alive — even if that hope now takes the shape of a “cat god” watching over his furry friend.

Recorded on Veterans Day, this episode is both a birthday reflection and a meditation on endurance, love, and the cost of survival in wartime Ukraine.

Here is his substack about his cat Pumpkin: https://open.substack.com/pub/yuriymatsarsky/p/pumpkin?r=dzvo1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Send Yuriy your letter of support fightingtherussianbeast@gmail.com

Yuriy’s Podbean Patron sign-up to give once or regularly: https://patron.podbean.com/yuriy

Buy Yuriy a coffee here: https://bmc.link/yuriymat

Subscribe to his substack: https://yuriymatsarsky.substack.com/

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TRANSCRIPT: (Apple Podcasts & Podbean app users can enjoy accurate closed captions) 

It is November 11,

And this is the 300th episode of my podcast, and it is special because today is my birthday. I turned 45. When the full scale war began, and I became a soldier, I was 41. Yes, it has been going on for that long. 41, 42, 43, 44, and now 45- these are the years of my life taken by the war. The past year has probably been the hardest. My parents, whom I haven't seen in several years are getting sicker, and my chances of seeing them again are getting smaller. By the way, today is also my mother's birthday. She gave birth to us- to me and to my traitor brother -on her own holiday.

This was another year of unfulfilled expectations, a year of painful losses. Even the end of my 44th year was very hard. In the first days of November, my cat passed away and he was actually something more than just a kid. He was my little furry best friend, and I even took my call sign in his honor when I joined the army.

Once my cat was even with me on a mission the summer before last, my comrades and I were in the east and we were housed in a building that was full of mice. It was impossible to live there because of the number of rodents, so I brought my cat with me. He did not catch a single mouse- he was terribly afraid of them- but just his presence and his smell scared the mice away. They left and we were able to live there in peace.

He was such a good cat, so dear to me. Even in his death, he saved me. In recent days, I was in a very bad psychological state, truly very depressed. All of it was headed either toward a nervous breakdown or a heart attack, and then I found out that my cat died and something in me just burst. I cried for about an hour bitterly and without stopping. And I felt better afterwards. I felt calm. I don't believe in human god. He does not exist, or at least not the one described in the Bible- all good and all powerful. If he existed, this whole nightmare simply would not have happened. But I really want to believe in a cat god, one who would take care of my little cat, tell him kind things and wrap him in a blanket before sleep. I like a god like that. I will think about him or her and maybe it'll make things a bit easier.

So this turns out to be another set episode, even though it's a birthday one. And it's also Veterans Day to day. So it should have been a double celebration, but I don't feel festival. In the previous episode, I talked about the books I bought a year ago, planning to read them after the war. It was my gift to myself last year. Back then I had hoped that about a year later I would already be reading them. But that didn't happen, and most likely it won't happen by my 46th birthday either. I'm slowly accepting this reality and learning to live inside it.

Thank you for still being with me for all these years and hundreds of episodes. It truly means a lot to me, and please find a couple of minutes to read a short story on my substack, which I dedicated to my late dear cat.