In Bed With Alexa: Have Better Sex13 Nov 2025

The Man Who Taught the World That She Comes First (ft. Ian Kerner)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of the groundbreaking bestseller She Comes First, He Comes Next, and So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. They talk about why his 2004 classic is still changing bedrooms two decades later, how the clitoris remains misunderstood, and what makes sex truly great.

We discuss:

- Why She Comes First is still a global bestseller 21 years later

- ⁠The science of the clitoris and its internal structures

- Why all orgasms are clitoral — and what “outercourse” really means

- Why penetration-only sex leads to bad sex and performance anxiety

- The most common sexual problems heterosexual couples face today

- How to shift from intercourse-focused sex to pleasure-focused sex

- Why rhythm and persistence are essential for clitoral stimulation

- Why novelty helps early on but routine deepens connection

- How rushing and orgasm-chasing have ruined slow sex

- The differences between male and female arousal cycles

- ⁠The three assurances every giver should offer during oral sex

- Why enthusiasm is the sexiest thing a partner can show

- How women’s insecurities (“I’m taking too long,” “Do I smell?”) block pleasure

- Why giving oral sex might be the key to your erection problems

An unfiltered, intimate conversation about why She Comes First is still essential reading and how better sex starts with slowing down, getting curious, and caring more.

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