Ep 47 | The Secret to How My Narcissist Got Me Back and How to Avoid Getting Sucked Back In

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00) On today's episode of, but Still She Thrives. We are going to talk about the secret of how my narcissist got me back. It probably works on you too. If you're still in this situation or if you're out of the situation, this may be a struggle and you're scared. You don't wanna go back or get re-involved in any way. Sometimes, even if you're a romantic. And then they try to suck you in as like a friend. They can use this tactic and it, it worked pretty well on me. I'm a sucker for it. So stay tuned to find out what it is and how we can say no, like to drugs. Just say no. Speaker 1: (00:39) Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still, she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:36) All right, so let's dive into the secret to how my narcissist got me back. I mean, there were, you know, several ways, but this is a huge one that I think some of us may oversee. Or if you are an empath, like most narcissistic abuse victims, survivors, whatever you wanna be called, don't, don't yell at me, often have this trait of being empathetic and having big hearts, right? So this is something that narcissists really manipulate and in a calculated way use against us. So for me, one of those really, really hard things to resist is nostalgia slash memories. Anything related to good times, and it doesn't necessarily even had like, have to be with that specific person. And I'm gonna use an example, I'm gonna throw it out there. One of my real life examples that has happened to me in recent years even is that one of the narcissists that I cut out of my life is famous. Speaker 1: (02:42) Not famous, but famous for trying to suck me back in with nostalgia. He knows that's the thing. This is someone who knows me very well, we spent lots of time together and he thinks he is really smart. But I see through it. So now, honestly, it's comical when it would come through in recent years, it would be like, oh my gosh, this is so obvious that, I mean, it's comical, but it's gross too. It's gross behavior. So the nostalgia. So it doesn't necessarily, like I said, it doesn't have to be like, oh, remember when? And those can happen too. The whole, remember when we went to Maui together? I wish actually I went to Maui with anybody. That didn't happen. But you know, going down memory lane in that way is a great fast way to suck people in. Also, another way is just things they know you love. Speaker 1: (03:33) So my narcissist would use examples like, Hey, I just got tickets to blank. You like one of your favorite musicians, I'm saving a ticket for you. I have backstage passes. That's a real thing that happened. So they're trying to pull you in and, and they could totally turn it around, be like, no, I was just trying to be a nice guy. I really was. No, you weren't. You want to gain control. Narcissists want to gain control, and if they don't have it, they will try to get it back, right? And this, I mean, this was not years, maybe a year between the last time I talked to this person, they fell off. So don't expect them to fall off and never come back. I think we know that, but this person had not contacted me. Whatever. It was like good gravy. Then they came back with this probably because it may have sparked a memory of me because yes, I like this musician and they knew that. Speaker 1: (04:36) But it was more about them being feeling rejected and not having control. So they're like, Hmm, how can I get set this up so that this person feels like they either guilted into it, like, oh, I already have a ticket for you. Or throw that nostalgia on and make you feel special. Right? There was wording in it like, you know, you're the only person that would love to see this as much as I would. Right? Which isn't true. I mean, this is a very famous person. These people are famous people. There are hundreds of thousands of people that like them. We're not special, okay? But they are calculated and they use this wording and they try to manipulate so they can get their way and gain control. So I'm pointing all of this out so that if you're in a similar situation, you can look at texts like that, emails, calls, whatever it is, and say, I know what you do. Speaker 1: (05:32) And yeah, yeah. Who sang that song? You remember? I know what maybe she was singing about a narcissist and say, okay, enough of that. 'cause I clearly don't even know the words, but this is super important. Yes, this is kind of like a quick, we're having a quick little episode here, but this is so important to be able to recognize this as a flag. When they bring nostalgia up, it is to gain control of you. And it's about them. It's not about you. We're not special. I mean, we're special, but we're not really special. These people, they do this for control. So we have to recognize that and write this stuff down. A little secret to not taking the bait on this. Something that I do is I literally have for one of the narcissists, 'cause that was the hardest one for me to like separate from, there's a little notebook I have and I just like have these little reminders. Speaker 1: (06:31) So whenever I, I never will like go back to, to being in this person's life. But whenever I have a moment of just feeling like a little guilty, which is very rare now, or I don't know if guilty is the word, but just like, you know, I'm a human with a big heart and it, it's hard sometimes, right? Even for me, I have a little moment and I'll just say, let me look in my little notebook, right? And it makes me feel so much better. So all the things this person has done, write them down in a notebook or locked up in a computer that no one can get access to, whatever somewhere. Especially if you're fresh out the gates. It's helpful. I did it fresh out the gates and looked at it every single day. I wrote all the crap they did and to remind myself. Speaker 1: (07:15) 'cause when we're feeling guilty or emotional or nostalgic, we will think of the good things. So a key to not, you know, to avoiding this getting sucked in this way, is to write all the things down. How they made your life miserable. And writing down nostalgia is just about them and their control, not about me. All right, I hope this is helpful and I will see you in the next episode. The Nest episode. I forgot the X in that word. I'm still in summertime, but only a couple more weeks until our fall school semester begins. So that's in my mind when fall begins, basically, when my daughter goes back to school. So a couple more weeks of that, and then I'm gonna be possibly upping to two episodes a week. Again, what do you guys think? You like one or two episodes a week. Speaker 1: (08:03) Let me know what is I, because I know some people can get overwhelmed, especially like after abuse and stuff. So is two episodes a week? Too many? Do you feel like you won't be able to keep up? Let me know. Write me my email's always in the, uh, what do you call the Gmail? The Gmail, the, the podcast notes area and my Gmail email is in there. And also, if you are having trouble with setting boundaries with you, feel like you're getting sucked into toxic behaviors, please either buy My Boundaries course, which is always also listed in there. It's amazing. And it's lifetime access. It's go at your own pace. There's like one week dripped for 10 weeks. So you do it like one about a half hour or less video every week talking about how to set, how to create, how to evaluate what boundaries you need, then how to set them and you know, create them, set them, and then maintain them. Speaker 1: (09:03) How to have any tough conversations you feel like you need to have. And even setting boundaries with yourself. That's a fun one. So it's 10 videos, they drip out for 10 weeks and then after that you can have them forever and ever. Yay. So definitely check that out. If you have trouble setting boundaries or if you wanna work one-on-one with me, there's always that option. Go into the podcast notes for that as well, and I will talk to you soon. Let's do, let's do a couple, uh, affirmations. Shall we shoulder shake? All right. Hands over heart. Unless you're driving. Take a nice deep breath. Ah, okay. I will not get sucked back into any toxicity. Repeat after me. Speaker 2: (09:51) Okay. Speaker 1: (09:53) I want peace, therefore I must protect myself. I know I can be strong because I'm a queen. Yeah. All right, love you. See you. The next one.