Not For Everyone

This deep-dive on friendships brought to you by countless listener DMs and years of oscillating between loneliness and social burnout. The balance is hard to strike and the stumbling never ends, but if we had to summarize our tips for finding lasting friendships, they might look something like: Accept that making new friends takes time and will contain disappointment Know that not every connection needs to be your deepest in order to serve you Allow space for friendships to breathe when the ebs and flows of life happen Be mindful of how you approach your friends for help, and how you offer help to them in return Beware of possessive friendships and passive-aggressive behavior Be honest with yourself about the friendships you can and should prioritize In conclusion, everyone's just trying to live their lives. Plus some stupider tidbits we threw into the episode for good measure, including Caroline's iPhone notes from 2017, a hidden talent Jess discovered in herself this week, and the origin story of the phrase "having a time." AND ALSO, a drop-in from our editor, Abi! Now let Jess get back to her ugly night. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: ⁠⁠⁠@not4everyonepod⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠@thegoodsitter⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠@jzdebakey⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠@abinewhouse⁠⁠⁠ __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA __ DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

25 Mai 20231h 26min

A slower week in our lives means a hair appointment becomes content! It's not an episode of NFE if we aren't complimenting someone's hair. Caroline's bangs are refreshed, though her hands are wet and neck is aching. Nothing putting her dangly feet up and chatting with Jess can't fix. The two shift gears and launch into an exploration of what manifestation does (and does not) mean to them. Too often does the internet rely on manifestation as the answer to all things - just announce you're a lucky girl and speak your dreams into reality! While Jess has had some "success" with certain elements of this philosophy, it's so much easier said in retrospect. Privilege and luck are companions to hard work and time in achieving pretty much anything, not to mention Jess's knack for hope and positivity and Caroline's preference for doubt and cynicism. That's right; both can work and have a place. We're a hater and a lover blah blah tropes. That is until dating is the topic at hand, in which case any singular approach falls to the wayside as Caroline and Jess both lose all sense of self and stability. Has anyone figured this out?! How do you trust a charismatic bloke like Harry Styles and how did this conversation so quickly transition into owl pellet nostalgia? In conclusion, a well-answered Hinge prompt is hard to come by. One could say they're seasonally dependent. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey @abinewhouse __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

18 Mai 202355min

Back together again, Jess kicks off with a realization - having taken last week off and listened to Caroline's episode - that her otherwise minimal self hatred is at an all-time high when she's sick. She recounts the cycle of burning herself out by being overly productive, then feeling guilty about not being able to be productive, and then finally resting and being able to be productive again. It's helpful to exactly no one but feels good to her. Then, onto an episode full of petty complaints. Number one on the list: why do people who don't even know Jess love her so much??? This question made more sense with some explanation, and Caroline was able to provide a helpful perspective on this phenomenon that some people (often women) are way too complimentary before knowing a person well enough, or express far too much gratitude when someone simply does their job. Insincerity irks Jess; she'd rather earn it. Next, Caroline's strong complaint that the phrase "aging gracefully" is a double standard placed on women because somehow beauty is supposed to be effortless. No makeup makeup is a lie, and so is this idea. Pet names (i.e. babe, baby) and PDA are next on the chopping block, leading to a college hookup story from Caroline's arsenal, followed by Jess's announcement that she is in fact wearing underwear despite what visible panty line rules may suggest. Always keeping us on our cameltoes. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey @abinewhouse __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

11 Mai 202355min

Introducing Hater Hour - like happy hour but weirder and darker and probably happening at 2am. With Jess out sick, Caroline takes on her FIRST EVER solo podcast episode, responding to a bunch of listener-submitted topics as she yearns for her mommy alone in her apartment. First, a very personal look into Caroline's relationship with her deepest, darkest complex and how she thinks about negative self talk. She's getting more comfortable with the idea that the things that made her the way she is might just be a part of her, and that's allowed; self acceptance can be freeing compared with the never-ending quest for self improvement. Next, reacting to your petty complaints and weirds turn-ons; honestly, you kooks need help. Do NOT let Caroline catch you making this one particular grammatical faux pas, unless you truly have a death wish. Then, a DM about pick-me girls turns into a story about Halsey and an admission that women judge each other unfairly. And finally, how Caroline thinks about measuring success as a content creator, knowing that doing it for views can't be her answer. __ In this episode, Caroline references her therapist Nancy Colier's book: The Emotionally Exhausted Woman - There's an audiobook @Jess! __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

4 Mai 202346min

Jess and Caroline unknowingly both show up to this episode with the same thoughts a-brewing underneath the surface, so a conversation about their dads' different takes on jokes quickly turns into a deeply intimate conversation. Caroline shares her ongoing struggle to separate her self worth from the quality of her interactions with other people, and Jess meets her right there, opening up about her people pleasing tendencies as tied to a fear of abandonment. They go back and forth about this pressure to perform or deliver in every social situation, and unpack the question that both of their therapists have offered on the matter: what if you didn't actually have to do anything? Moving right along: a petty complaint about "cultured" food trends like prebiotic sodas and cottage cheese, a quick question for Bugs Bunny, a dating update from Caroline, and a bone to pick with reality show podcasts from Jess. Basically, we’re scientists, and this is just an experiment where we explore all the things we’re doing wrong. Don’t steal our alternate podcast names/taglines, or maybe do, whatever, wdk. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey @abinewhouse __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

27 Apr 20231h 2min

This week Caroline and Jess are recording TOGETHER IN THE FLESH, and you'll hear our excitement right away. Yes, we know the sound quality suffered our first time with an in-person setup, but that's why 1) we're constantly saying we're not professionals and 2) our full episodes are posted on YouTube. If you stick around here though, we appreciate you, and we recommend you listen without headphones this week. Take in the chaos while driving or showering or cleaning the house. Force your roommate or partner to listen with you. Or kick out your kids for some solo NFE time. In this one, we take on another round of WHATADOS (our term meaning listener-submitted questions for which we are unqualified to give advice). First, Caroline gets fired up about a relatable listener who wonders if it's wrong to want to look better to impress other people / for the male gaze. Then, Jess opens up about her ongoing plight to overcome trust issues in relationships. We also talk about Jess's first time being recognized in public (ily Grace), Caroline's laser hair removal journey, and an oddly specific ick from Jess. The butt strip is the best thing in the whole wide world, and we are each a very different part of Fridays. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey @abinewhouse __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

20 Apr 20231h 2min

Turns out the hater is a lover and the lover is a hater as Jess and Caroline reunite after a week apart. Caroline shares how her recent solo trip helped her rediscover her easygoing, minimal-complaint self; meanwhile, Jess unleashes a list of things she hates that she was just waiting to discuss with her brother king. In her three-pronged takedown of the most recent [AI] Bachelor, Jess talks about why "being nice to waiters" is the most unoriginal and unhelpful criteria for picking a partner. She then describes the anger she feels when people use the phrase "do life together," and concludes with a quick roast of the word "cuss." Caroline gives an update on the sweetie pie from her gym - henceforth known as My Little Pony - and Jess talks her through ways to casually ask him out. This leads into a conversation about chatting and making eye contact with strangers, and the giggly mess that sometimes follows. In conclusion, the podcast can end now that Instagram's blue checkmarks can be bought; Jess has a book company anyway. __ This episode was edited by none other than our prince, Abi Newhouse. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey @abinewhouse __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

13 Apr 20231h 5min

With Caroline out on vacation, we decide to add a solo episode option to our rotation, as Jess reprises her tried and true format from her Peaking days: Jess Thots. She opens up with a petty complaint to honor her long-lost co-host, then dives into a highly requested topic - finding yourself after moving to a new city. There's no quick hack like there is for creating tiny Ziploc bags, but she cites "fake it til you make it," "give yourself an out," and Google Maps lists as the best tools in her arsenal. She then shares more about her recent experience going solo to her 10th ever John Mayer concert, and talks about how much of a flow she's in now that NFE is a part of her life. A nice lil deep dive into what's been on the lover's mind lately to keep y'all fed for another week. __ Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts! SUBSCRIBE on ⁠YouTube⁠ for full episode video. And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more: @not4everyonepod @thegoodsitter @jzdebakey __ Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA DISCLAIMER: All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or health professionals, or professional of any kind, really. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!

6 Apr 202334min