233 The Case for ‘Boring’ Polyamory

When we're in the thick of navigating non-monogamy, especially in the early stages, it can feel like an endless emotional workout. The jealousy, the NRE highs and lows, the constant communication—it's a lot! Many people wonder if it will ever get easier or if this constant state of emotional processing is just what non-monogamy is all about.

The good news? It absolutely can become more easeful! In this episode, we explore what "boring polyamory" might look like and why it might actually be a good fit for you. We challenge the assumption that non-monogamy must be inherently harder than monogamy and offer practical insights for creating more sustainable, grounded relationships.

We’re breaking down:

— The difference between "easy" and "easeful" in relationships

— How we often mistake intensity for intimacy, and why that keeps us locked in drama cycles

— The ways we unconsciously validate our non-monogamy by staying in turbulence and conflict

— Why the premise that "monogamy is easier" is a harmful myth that keeps us stuck

— How our nervous system awareness directly impacts our capacity for easeful relationships

— The drama triangle and how it keeps us locked in unhealthy patterns

— The importance of making implicit expectations explicit through clear agreements

— Creating micro-spaces for reconnection and communication in your relationships

— Why familiar patterns will win out over healthy ones (and what to do about it)

— How to identify what a week of calm, fulfilling polyamory would look like for you

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Our Drama Triangle episode

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions