Borderline Personality: DBT and Working with Self-Hatred with Dr. Blaise Aguirre

Most personal growth content out there suggests having a "never give up" mindset. But the truth is that a big part of life is deciding when it's time to stop investing our limited effort into that job, skill, or relationship that's no longer serving you.  Today Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest explore how to determine when it's time for things to end, dealing with disappointment, giving ourselves credit for our good efforts, and getting excited about what's to come. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Being sure you’re not ending too soon. 4:50: Improving distress tolerance vs. protecting yourself. 9:50: Trusting the past.  13:30: What keeps people stuck: sunk cost fallacy. 14:30: The longing for a just world. 16:50: Dealing with disappointment. 22:00: Optimism, and turning toward the future. 24:30: Understanding the limitations of our environment.  27:15: Redefining success.  30:05: Knowing you gave things your best effort.  32:00: Impulsivity. 33:30: Unilateral virtue. 37:30: Finding your five. 39:30: Helping other people feel heard.  42:45: Being clear about the “last chance.” 45:30: The fear of change, and turning toward the future. 52:45: Recap. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12 Juli 202157min

Forrest is joined by pioneering psychologist Dr. Katherine Kinzler to explore how our speech shapes our social identity, and the views we hold about other people. A big part of human nature is to rapidly sort people into two groups: “like me,” and “not like me.” Our general tendency is to gravitate toward people we perceive as “like me,” and avoid and oppose people we perceive as “not like me.” We use many different kinds of markers to determine which group a person belongs to: markers like perceived race, gender, political affiliation, and social class.  But there’s an often-overlooked factor that might influence how we view ourselves and others even more powerfully: the way we speak.  About Our Guest: Dr. Kinzler is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, and the leader of the Development of Social Cognition Laboratory. She’s also the author of the wonderful book How You Say It: Why You Talk the Way You Do―And What It Says About You.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Ideas: 2:25: Why language is such an important signifier of identity. 8:15: Why the brain cares so much about categories. 10:50: Brain plasticity and early language acquisition. 13:50: Language bias and dialectical prejudice. 19:15: Interventions for limiting linguistic prejudice.  23:00: How dialect changes as identity changes. 28:50: Consequences of dialectical prejudice. 34:30: Dialectical prejudice in the courtroom. 36:30: What can we do about dialect prejudice? 40:50: Positive results of bilingual exposure. 45:00: Becoming a better communicator. 49:00: Katherine’s “wave a magic wand” change. 51:30: When to start talking with kids about language. 53:00: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Juli 20211h

Life includes many major culminating moments: we finish the big work project, receive the award, watch the kids leave home, go on the vacation, win the title, or enter retirement. These experiences can come with enormous fulfillment…for a while. And then, we might ask ourselves: Now what? Today Rick and Forrest explore that question, including how we can relate to the past, integrate learning, turn toward the future, and age well through life.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics 1:15: Context for the episode. 4:20: Our culture’s constant focus on “what’s next?” 9:30: Cognitive bias, and the brain’s “anticipation machine.” 13:45: Developmental stages of life 17:40: Stages of integration and disintegration.  27:30: The opportunities of old age.  31:45: Rick’s reflections on aging. 35:15: Bowing to past selves. 41:40: Giving our full effort. 44:00: Being a mentor, and having things to care for. 47:45: Recap  Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Juni 202153min

We all have different parts inside of us. This is perfectly normal, not psychotic. But our relationship with some parts is often better than others, and a wonderful path to healing and growth is to repair our relationship with all of our parts. That's the premise of Internal Family Systems Therapy, and today Forrest is exploring this powerful modality with the founder of IFS: Dr. Richard Schwartz. It's a special episode that includes a live demonstration of an IFS session between Forrest and Dr. Schwartz. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Key Topics: 2:00: Internal Family Systems' origin story. 4:30: An introduction to IFS. 12:40: Allowing the Self to help itself. 14:20: Richard and Forrest do a mock IFS session. 17:40: The "Manager" gets in the way. 18:20: "Direct access" to the "Protector" part. 24:00: Integrating the "session." 27:15: Speaking from our parts. 29:15: "No bad parts." 33:00: Working with our exiled parts.  35:10: Anger toward our parts, and self-compassion. 37:30: IFS' de-pathologizing stance, and place in the medical model.  39:40: Psychedelic assisted psychotherapy. 42:15: Trauma work, and being with the younger self. 47:45: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

21 Juni 202151min

One of the common topics on the podcast is developmental psychology: how what happened to us as a child can influence our lives today. Alongside that, there can also be a lot of value in reconnecting with the person we were when we were young, before the world got in the way. This can give us a sense of our true nature, and new ideas for how to become an ever-more-complete version of ourselves out in the world. Follow this link to watch the conversation on YouTube! Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Key Topics: 1:10: Uncovering our true nature. 4:20: Our cultural view of children. 7:20: “Feeling down” into younger layers. 13:30: What were you like when you were young? 18:20: A process of contacting your true nature. 25:00: What were your innate desires? 34:00: Compassion for our source. 39:00: Guiding questions, and the layers of self we can access. 43:00: The core needs of most young people. 51:40: Writing a letter to your younger self. 53:00: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14 Juni 202156min

People generally think of self-compassion as a "soft" emotion that helps us comfort, reassure, and nurture ourselves. Today a pioneer in the field of compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff, joins the show to explore the fierce side of self-compassion, including how it can help us draw healthy boundaries, take necessary action, and stand against injustice. About Our Guest: Dr. Kristin Neff is an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin. She conducted the first empirical studies on self-compassion almost twenty years ago, and is the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.  On June 15th she'll be releasing her new book: Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. Watch our conversation on YouTube here! Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Key Topics: 1:50: How is fierce self-compassion different from “typical” self-compassion? 5:50: The balance of fierceness and tenderness. 7:45: The importance of fierceness for women. 17:15: Practices that support fierce self-compassion. 20:30: Applying fierce self-compassion internally. 25:40: The harms of traditional gender role socialization. 32:10: What behaviors were you rewarded for? 34:45: Research on the value of self-compassion. 40:40: The impact of self-compassion on motivation.  45:15: Committing to our own well being. 50:45: How men can support women. 55:00: A message to your younger self. 57:15: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Build healthy habits with Most Days! Download it in the App Store or go to MostDays.com/beingwell for more information. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7 Juni 20211h 1min

Some of the most important moments of our lives are crossroads of different kinds. There’s a big decision, and we have to pick one thing over another. Today Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how to make the important decisions in life.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Key Topics: 2:00: Common themes in big decisions. 5:00: Balancing short- and long-term decisions. 10:15: Knowing your own nature, and having different priorities. 17:20: Using analysis to inform intuition. 21:15: Identifying the “parts” of a decision. 22:50: Analyzing costs and benefits. 33:00: Write it down. 36:20: Working backwards. 40:30: Getting clear on what you want.  42:30: Thinking over the long haul.  43:30: The three circles. 45:00: Finding “comps.” 50:30: The calculus of a decision. 59:00: Affective forecasting Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Build healthy habits with Most Days! Download it in the App Store or go to MostDays.com/beingwell for more information. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

31 Maj 20211h 8min

In this conversation from the Life After COVID Summit, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore joins Forrest to help us put the past in perspective, and relate in healthier and more whole ways to the many things we've lost over the past year.  Last weekend Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson were joined by 11 world-class experts for a FREE three-day online event to explore how we can recover from old wounds, build key strengths, and create a better future together. Over 10,000 people joined us for the Summit, and we received incredible feedback. If you missed it, all of the conversations will remain freely available through May 25th. Click here to learn more about the Summit and register now. Key Topics: 2:00: Mortality salience.  5:00: Putting “little stresses” in context alongside the big ones.  6:40: The problems with “getting back to normal,” and our new opportunities. 12:10: Remember what has happened, and turning toward grief.  15:30: Practices that support us during grief.  20:30: The importance of social support. 26:50: How we can support people who are grieving. 30:15: Should we name the people who are no longer here? 31:55: Understanding the trauma associated with grief.  39:50: Working with anger.  43:40: Using the body as a tool for healing. 48:00: Caregiver fatigue. 53:30: Survival guilt.  57:30: Advice for the future.  59:20: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Build healthy habits with Most Days! Download it in the App Store or go to MostDays.com/beingwell for more information. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

24 Maj 20211h 8min