When "I Understand" Can Hurt And Why: Healing the Wound of Unvalidated Grief

When "I Understand" Can Hurt And Why: Healing the Wound of Unvalidated Grief

In this solo episode, therapist and host Malisa Hepner unpacks why grief can feel so activating when someone says they "understand" your loss—especially when comparisons miss the mark. She explores how these moments often trigger deep neglect wounds and a fear that our pain isn't being seen or honored. Rather than staying in victimhood or demanding external validation, Malisa invites listeners into a more grounded truth: our pain does not need to be validated by others to be real. Through compassionate reflection, she shares how healing begins when we recognize our triggers, take responsibility for our inner safety, and learn to validate ourselves—without minimizing the depth of our grief, or others.

  • Notice the trigger: when you feel invalidated, name the neglect wound being activated.

  • Release victimhood by separating your pain from others' capacity to understand it.

  • Practice self-validation: affirm the reality and depth of your grief without comparison.

  • Create internal safety by meeting your pain with compassion before seeking it externally.

Subscribe to Emotionally Unavailable's Patreon!

  • $3-Become a friend of the show and support its mission

  • $5-Ad free episodes

  • $10-Benefits listed above and free access to monthly workbook

  • $30- In addition to the above benefits, you can receive recurring ad space on episodes posted outside of Patreon. (Perfect for single owner/operator small business looking for low budget ad space)

https://patreon.com/Emotionallyunavailablepodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Want to be a guest on Emotionally Unavailable? Send Malisa Hepner a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1739504718415772259d92bc1

https://linktr.ee/Mdhepner

Contact Jen Taylor: jentaylorfani@gmail.com Jen Taylor Insta, Jen Taylor Books

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Reclaiming Identity Beyond the Uniform: Trauma, Transformation & True Self-Leadership

Reclaiming Identity Beyond the Uniform: Trauma, Transformation & True Self-Leadership

In this powerful and heartfelt conversation, therapist and host Malisa Hepner sits down with Robert Wheeler, host of Battle Harder podcast, Navy veteran, former federal officer and founder of BattleFi...

12 Dec 202542min

Awakening to Adulthood: Emotions, Lessons & the Journey Back to Self

Awakening to Adulthood: Emotions, Lessons & the Journey Back to Self

Therapist and host Malisa Hepner, and Natasha Sattle, author of "Shit Adults Never Taught Us",  dive into the complexities of adulthood, mental health, and relationships. Together they explore how chi...

10 Dec 202558min

Healing Through Radical Compassion: Trauma, Vulnerability & Self-Discovery

Healing Through Radical Compassion: Trauma, Vulnerability & Self-Discovery

In this powerful conversation, therapist and host Malisa Hepner sits down with Natalie (NatNat), Emotional Healing & Nervous System Guide and the founder of Lift OneSelf, to explore the deep and often...

8 Dec 20251h 3min

Reimagining Peace: Cannabis, Community Healing, and Ancestral Wisdom

Reimagining Peace: Cannabis, Community Healing, and Ancestral Wisdom

In this powerful conversation, our Therapist and Host, Malisa Hepner, and Andrew, [:White Coyote:], Educator, Peace Builder, and Medicine Man (he's also a shaman, but more of a Nahual Griot), explore ...

5 Dec 202551min

Healing Beyond the Body: A Soulful Journey Through Spiritual Acupuncture

Healing Beyond the Body: A Soulful Journey Through Spiritual Acupuncture

In this enlightening episode, therapist and host Malisa Hepner sits down with Banya Lim, a multi-generational healer and energy coach with over 30 years of experience as an acupuncturist and Oriental ...

3 Dec 202540min

Reclaiming Self-Worth Through Vulnerability: A Journey Into Inner Transformation

Reclaiming Self-Worth Through Vulnerability: A Journey Into Inner Transformation

In this powerful conversation, therapist and host, Malisa Hepner sits down with Gregory James Thelian, a boudoir photographer whose work extends far beyond the lens. Together, they explore how intenti...

1 Dec 20251h 7min

Choosing Our Path: Destiny, Death, and Inner Strength

Choosing Our Path: Destiny, Death, and Inner Strength

In this powerful episode, therapist and host, Malisa Hepner sits down with Alexander Dunlop and Viki Scudiery for a profound exploration of life choices from a spiritual lens. Together, they discuss t...

28 Nov 20251h 2min

Uncertain Timelines, Unshakable Truths: Healing Through the Unknown

Uncertain Timelines, Unshakable Truths: Healing Through the Unknown

Therapist and host, Malisa Hepner, and Laura Bratton, coach and founder of Ubi Global, an organization that provides speaking and coaching to empower all people to overcome challenges and obstacles wi...

26 Nov 202546min

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