#25 WHO FREAKING KNOWS : BECOMING YOURSELF AFTER THE ARMY, MOTHERHOOD, AND A HARD GOODBYE. NICKY VEENVLIET

In this episode of Spill the Tea, we share :

00:01:21 – 00:16:31 | Nicky’s Personal Background and Identity

Grew up in a small rural town in WA, where she developed a love for country life but felt destined for something different.Joined the army at 23 seeking freedom and to break from familial patterns.Transitioned from a successful military career to motherhood, facing the challenge of anxiety and postnatal depression.Experienced a major identity shift juggling the “strong, boss babe” persona and the vulnerabilities of being a mom.Overcame societal and self-judgment about motherhood and women’s roles.

00:16:31 – 00:24:37 | Identity Challenges & Motherhood

Struggled with a major identity shift transitioning from a strong military persona to motherhood, involving feelings of guilt, anxiety, and depression.Described motherhood as the hardest job, forcing her to soften control and adapt her approach.Initially underestimated the role of being a mom and judged others using children as excuses, later realizing the importance and strength in motherhood.Discussed identity conflict between being a strong, independent person and embracing the vulnerable mom side.

00:24:37 – 00:37:06 | Building Businesses and Coaching Career

Nicky's first ventures included network marketing, personal training, music and movement programs for children, and parenting coaching.She highlighted the importance of creating businesses based on personal experience and the community and connection needs of women, especially moms.Transitioned into corporate leadership coaching using her military background but realized traditional corporate settings did not fulfill her soulful purpose.Maintains an authentic coaching style, unapologetically herself, using humor and directness.

00:37:06 – 00:48:45 | Overcoming Shame and Reclaming Identity

Nicky emphasized shedding other people’s expectations and shame to reclaim her identity and self-worth.She shared how therapy and coaching sometimes taught her to minimize her emotions, and it took someone else to validate her right to express anger and imperfection. Embraced a more bold, authentic version of herself after joining Kirstie’s community and the 21-day challenge.

00:48:45 – 01:08:43 | Successes and Challenges with Business Growth

Nicky’s first successful month making $45,000 caused guilt and triggered deep reflections on money, responsibility, and self-worth tied to her upbringing and military mindset.She bought practical items like a washing machine instead of celebrating success, reflecting her "good girl" programming.Shared how she empowers other women by sharing her experiences and creating strong networks and communities that foster belonging and mutual support.

👇 Your Turn:

What mindset shift has had the biggest impact on your business or personal growth? Share it in the comments!

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