Power Struggles Killing Your Marriage? How to Govern Your Relationship Like Equals (Part 4 of the Secure-Relationship Series)

Power Struggles Killing Your Marriage? How to Govern Your Relationship Like Equals (Part 4 of the Secure-Relationship Series)

GET FREE HANDOUT to accompany this episode HERE:

Resentment from unequal decisions? One person dominating finances, parenting, or chores? In this episode, Sharla and Robert explain how to create a "system of governance" in your marriage—drawing from John Gottman's "accepting influence" and Stan Tatkin's shared leadership—to end power struggles, restore parity, and protect your “couple bubble.”

Hear real couple stories, our own early parenting struggles, a list of 10 key principles to start your governance system, and a deep dive on "guardrails"—in-moment reminders that interrupt harmful patterns before they escalate.

This is how you lead each other without chaos or hurt.

Key Takeaways

  1. Governance isn’t control—it’s a shared constitution for decisions, influence, and implementing principles.
  2. Accepting influence (Gottman) means blending strengths—couples who do this are far more likely to thrive.
  3. Build principles like "We shield each other from harm" that you both defend selfishly.
  4. Guardrails: In-moment reminders (e.g., "Remember our agreement?") interrupt harmful autopilot behaviors before fights escalate.
  5. No system = power struggles and resentment; good governance + guardrails = allies and a strong bubble.

Resources

  1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman – Gold standard for influence and conflict.
  2. Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin – Deep dive on shared leadership.
  3. In Each Other’s Care by Stan Tatkin – Modern habits for governance.

Up Next Week

Keeping each other safe through partner soothing

If this helped you spot a power imbalance, follow, comment, and share! Put each other first this week. ❤️

Get in Touch

Website: MasterYourMarriage.us

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(185)

The Marriage Conversation Most Couples Never Have

The Marriage Conversation Most Couples Never Have

Links from this episode:Join us for The At-Home Marriage Retreat, Sat Dec 5 (early-bird $19 per couple through Nov 30): https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/the-athome-marriage-retreatHelp us out w...

4 Nov 27min

Stop Coaching Your Spouse When They're Upset

Stop Coaching Your Spouse When They're Upset

Has your spouse ever come to you hurt, and instead of hearing them out, you corrected how they said it?We're Robert and Sharla, married for over three decades and coaching couples through the same str...

28 Okt 29min

How to Ask Your Spouse for What You Want (Without Starting a Fight)

How to Ask Your Spouse for What You Want (Without Starting a Fight)

Do you know exactly what bugs you about your spouse, but freeze up when it comes to saying what you actually want instead?We're Robert and Sharla, married for over three decades and coaching couples t...

21 Okt 30min

But He Should Already Know: Failing the Test You Didn't Know You Were Taking

But He Should Already Know: Failing the Test You Didn't Know You Were Taking

Do you wait for your spouse to figure out what you need, and then feel hurt when they don't? Or do you tell yourself it's not worth asking anyway?We're Robert and Sharla, married for over three decade...

14 Okt 28min

Why You Get Defensive When Your Spouse Is Upset

Why You Get Defensive When Your Spouse Is Upset

Do you get defensive the second your spouse says they're upset with you? Most of us do. We start correcting the facts, or we go straight to "poor me," and five minutes later nobody's talking about the...

9 Okt 36min

How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently

How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently

How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently - It is easy to look at someone else’s business, family, house, or marriage and decide ours is not enough. The longer we stay in that comparison, the...

1 Okt 37min

Why the Spark Fades in Marriage, and How to Wake It Back Up

Why the Spark Fades in Marriage, and How to Wake It Back Up

How Lifelong Lovers Keep Wanting Each OtherLast week we kept talking about the work of stopping damage. That work matters. If contempt, unbridled expression, or defensiveness are running the house, yo...

24 Sep 28min

Why Your Marriage Collapses Under Pressure

Why Your Marriage Collapses Under Pressure

Get the workbook that accompanies this seriesLast week we talked about borrowing a self. How many of us build a pseudo-self out of attention and approval — reassurance from a partner, praise from a bo...

16 Sep 25min

Populärt inom Utbildning

husmodern-med-amanda-schulman
historiepodden-se
det-skaver
rss-bara-en-till-om-beroende-medberoende
rosceremoni
nu-blir-det-historia
harrisons-dramatiska-historia
rss-viktmedicinpodden
roda-vita-rosen
not-fanny-anymore
rss-dr-bjorklund
allt-du-velat-veta
sektledare
sa-in-i-sjalen
i-vantan-pa-katastrofen
johannes-hansen-podcast
rss-basta-livet
rss-max-tant-med-max-villman
rss-traningsklubben
sektpodden