The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead

The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead

In this episode, I sit down with Bilnita Armstead, a listener of the podcast, who shares her experience navigating a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style. We talk about how early relationship patterns, often learned from our parents, shaped her view of love and connection, and how getting hurt in relationships led her to become emotionally numb and avoidant. She opens up about the push-pull dynamic, feeling secure when single but deeply triggered in relationships, and the mental torment that can come with it—including overthinking, relationship OCD, and constantly questioning feelings. We also explore how things like intense butterflies, cheating as a coping mechanism, and black-and-white thinking played a role in her patterns. Most importantly, this conversation normalizes these experiences and highlights the shift into learning how to sit in the “gray space,” develop self-awareness, and begin showing yourself grace as you heal and move toward more secure ways of relating.

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Avsnitt(153)

What God Taught Me About Secure Attachment

What God Taught Me About Secure Attachment

In this episode, I share what God taught me about secure attachment, why people will inevitably let us down, and how finding security in something greater than ourselves can transform the way we exper...

14 Juni 8min

Lessons From Dating an Avoidant and an Anxious Partner

Lessons From Dating an Avoidant and an Anxious Partner

In this episode, I share the lessons I've learned from dating both avoidant and anxious partners, how each relationship highlighted different areas for growth, and why the goal isn't hyper-independenc...

10 Juni 13min

Why Anxious + Avoidant Relationships Can Work

Why Anxious + Avoidant Relationships Can Work

Are anxious and avoidant relationships really doomed, or have we oversimplified the conversation?In this episode, Jessica explores why attachment styles alone don't determine relationship success, the...

5 Juni 17min

The Paradox of Avoidant Healing: Learning to Lean Into Intimacy Despite the Fear

The Paradox of Avoidant Healing: Learning to Lean Into Intimacy Despite the Fear

In this episode, we explore the paradox of avoidant healing and why intimacy can feel both deeply comforting and deeply threatening at the same time.We talk about:why avoidant attachers often push awa...

12 Maj 12min

Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need

Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need

Why do we crave connection so deeply… yet feel so unstable in relationships?In this episode, I dive into the difference between seeking love from emotional need versus a grounded, secure place within ...

21 Apr 15min

The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control

The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control

In this episode, we explore why love can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—full of intense highs and painful lows. You’ll learn how different attachment styles shape your reactions in relationships...

20 Mars 15min

Feeling Like You’re the Problem in an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship

Feeling Like You’re the Problem in an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship

In this episode, we unpack why anxious attachers often feel like they’re “too much” in relationships — especially when paired with avoidants. I break down how this dynamic creates a distorted sense of...

24 Feb 12min

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