How to Give Tough Feedback When You Know They’ll Get Defensive

Giving feedback is hard. Giving feedback to someone you know is going to react emotionally or defensively? That’s a whole different level of dread.

In this mini episode of People Are the Worst, Lucy and Lindsey respond to a question from Mandy, a manager facing one of the most uncomfortable leadership moments: delivering tough, repeated feedback to a direct report who hasn’t taken it well in the past.

We break down how to manage the moment without escalating emotions or shutting the conversation down. You’ll learn how to prepare yourself emotionally before the conversation, why stating your intention upfront matters more than you think, and how empathy can quickly de‑escalate defensiveness.

Lucy walks through a simple but powerful empathy framework you can use in real time, agreeing with something true, summarizing what you’re hearing, naming the emotion, and asking a gentle question that re‑engages the other person’s thinking brain. Lindsey adds why this approach works so well and how empathy, when done correctly, is the fastest path to calmer, more productive conversations.

We also talk about the role of vulnerability, how summarizing throughout the conversation helps people feel heard, and how to keep the discussion focused on alignment rather than blame.

If you’ve been putting off a feedback conversation because you’re worried about tears, defensiveness, or emotional fallout, this mini episode will give you language, structure, and confidence to handle it with clarity and care.

Good luck, Mandy! We’re rooting for you.

Want to Ask Us a Question? We’re taking real questions from real managers and people leaders. Email us at dearlandl@elevateleadership.com, and we just might feature yours in a future episode.

Learn more about our solutions at https://www.elevateleadership.com/

Connect with Lindsey on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindseynehls/

Connect with Lucy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucy-georgiades-84933622/

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