Why Are We Punishing People for Wanting Love?

Have you ever held back from sending that text? Talked yourself out of being excited about someone? Wondered if you were "too much"—too eager, too open, too real?

This episode is for you.

I'm fired up this week. Recent pieces in The Cut and Time are celebrating the reclaiming of "cringe" in dating—and I love that. But I've been thinking deeply about how we got here in the first place. Because the fact that we even have a word like "cringe" for someone being emotionally available? That's a problem we need to talk about.

Wanting connection isn't a flaw. It's one of the most beautifully human things about you.

In this heartfelt rant, I dig into how, in dating culture, having an open heart became something to mock—how avoidance gets rewarded, how vulnerability gets punished, and how "the ick" has become a badge of honor for walking away from someone who simply cares or is being themselves.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why your desire for connection is hardwired into your brain—and something to be proud of
• What "the ick" really reveals about the person experiencing it
• How dating apps and social media have quietly trained us all to hide our real selves
• Why the people your authenticity pushes away are exactly the people you don't need
• How to show up more honestly—in your dating profile and in real life

Vulnerability is scary. Rejection hurts. I know that better than anyone. But you cannot build a real relationship without being a real person first. Your openness, your earnestness, your willingness to lay your heart on the table—those qualities are what attract people who are in alignment with you. And encourage them to stay.

So yes, be "cringe." And then let's work together to retire that word entirely. Because emotional availability isn't something to be ashamed of.

If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to rate, review, and follow/subscribe to the show. As an independent creator, it truly means the world to me.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, www.crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at www.crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at www.crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at www.crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

Keywords: dating while anxious, emotionally unavailable partner, cringe dating trend, oversharing in dating, dating apps and mental health, coming on too strong, rejection sensitivity, anxious attachment dating, online dating culture, earnestness in relationships, rewiring dating patterns, authenticity in dating, modern dating culture, vulnerability in dating, dating apps, the ick