105: A New Paradigm in Love: How to Choose and Create the Relationship of Your Life

In this special episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is interviewed by Matt about a new paradigm in dating and relationships, and what it really takes to choose and create “the relationship of your life”. Heather shares her own turning point, from being a long-time psychotherapist who still found love elusive, to doing Calling in “The One” herself after a lonely Valentine’s Day in 2016.

Together, they explore why awareness alone is not enough, how core beliefs like “I am alone” quietly shape your choices, and why healing your inner “young self” stops you turning partners into parents. They also discuss Heather’s work in Conscious Uncoupling, and how to end relationships with dignity, stability and as much peace as possible, especially when children are involved. More support and resources can be found at Heathergarbutt.com.

Key takeaways

• Awareness isn’t transformation. Knowing your patterns helps, but change requires tools, practice and support so you can behave differently when you are triggered.

• Core beliefs drive your love life. Beliefs like “I am alone” can make you miss love, help and connection even when it is offered, and can keep you over-functioning in relationships.

• Chemistry can be a clue, not a sign. Intense attraction often pulls you towards what is familiar, including emotional unavailability and old heartbreak patterns.

• Heal the “young self” so you stop dating from childhood needs. When your inner child is driving, you can unconsciously try to make a partner into a parent, which damages intimacy and can tip into power and control dynamics.

• Conscious Uncoupling creates a calmer ending and a better future. The goal is to reduce competitiveness and blame, stabilise emotionally, clear the air where safe, and build workable agreements, especially for co-parenting.

Mentioned in the episode

• Calling in “The One” (Katherine Woodward Thomas)

• Conscious Uncoupling (Katherine Woodward Thomas)

• Eight Dates by John & Julie Gottman

• The Five Love Languages (love languages quiz)

About Matt:
Matt Albiges is a qualified therapist and relationship expert who uses techniques including coaching and NLP. He describes being motivated by “that moment” when a client commits to turning their relationship, and life, around. His work is shaped by his own journey through challenging relationships, followed by a deep dive into understanding what makes relationships work. He has also worked extensively in organisational change, and notes that many common challenges are mindset-based, which informs his relationship work.

About Your Host:
I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007.

I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth.

As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.
Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you.

Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love.

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