Ep22. AuDHD & Internalised Ableism with Jacinta

Summary: Bri sits down with Dr Jacinta Thompson, clinical psychologist, AuDHDer, and director of Time to Untangle Clinical Psychology Services, for one of those conversations where you spend half the time laughing in recognition and the other half going "wait, that's been happening to me this whole time?"

The topic is internalised ableism, which sounds like a very serious academic concept and is also the reason you spent twenty minutes yesterday beating yourself up for not being able to do a phone call. Jacinta breaks it down with the kind of clarity and warmth that only comes from someone who is both deeply trained in this space AND regularly hides inside her own dress at professional networking events. She's one of us.

Together, Bri and Jacinta explore where internalised ableism actually comes from (spoiler: the world, not you), why it's so easy to compare your worst self to your best self and declare yourself a disaster, and what it looks like to function brilliantly in one context while completely falling apart in another. Jacinta shares some wonderfully honest personal examples, including what it's like to run a successful psychology practice while being completely unable to call the mechanic.

There's also a genuinely useful thread about how to catch yourself in a "should" spiral, question where that rule came from, and figure out whether you've just been carrying it around like a bag of bricks that belongs to someone else. The takeaway is not "everything is fine." It's more like: you're not failing at life. You might just be a person with a nervous system, doing a remarkable job of making it work anyway.

Key Takeaways

1. Internalised ableism is absorbed, not invented. Societal messages about "normal" functioning get turned inward and eventually feel less like someone else's rule and more like a fact about who you are.
2. Functioning is contextual, not global. Doing well in one setting doesn't mean you should do well everywhere. Context, structure, predictability and sensory environment all shape capacity enormously.
3. We compare ourselves to ourselves, and that's its own trap. The gap between your "performing well" self and your "struggling" self isn't a character flaw. It reflects how different your capacity can be depending on what accommodations are in place.
4. "What's wrong with me?" is the wrong question. When we can't meet an expectation, we tend to question ourselves rather than question the expectation. Asking "where did this rule even come from?" opens the door to a lot more self-compassion.
5. Hidden disability means invisible cost. High-masking AuDHDers may look like they're coping, but there's often significant cost happening behind the scenes that others don't see and systems don't account for.
6. Capacity changes over time and circumstance. Comparing your current functioning to a past version of yourself with fewer demands is neither fair nor useful. Capacity fluctuates, and that's not a failure.
7. The tyranny of the shoulds is real. Those "I should just be able to..." thoughts are worth catching. Pressure is often a signal that someone else's should has landed on you as if it were yours.
8. Ask "but why?" like a persistent five-year-old. Questioning the origin of a rule can reveal how arbitrary many norms actually are and make space for approaches that genuinely work for your brain.
9. Diagnosis doesn't erase support needs. Being a psychologist or running a business does not mean you're not AuDHD. Functioning well in some areas can mask significant support needs in others.
10. You're not lazy, flaky, or not trying hard enough. You might just be operating at capacity in a particular context. Curiosity and compassion, for yourself and for others, is where the real work begins.

You can find Jacinta at her website: www.timetotheuntangle.com.au.