The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’
The Daily30 Apr 2023

The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’

In January 2022, Randi Schofield was a 34-year-old single mother who, not long before, left her full-time job of eight years as a personal bailiff to a local judge. She pulled $30,000 from her retirement savings and was planning to give herself all of 2022 to expand the small catering business she had always dreamed about. This would be the year she bet on herself. Then, that month, she received the news that medics were pulling her father out of his car.

The collision splintered the bone in his left thigh down to his knee; three days later, a metal rod held the broken pieces together. Until his leg recovered from the surgery, he would not be able to walk without assistance. In hindsight, there were warning signs that her father’s health could upend Schofield’s life. But he was also youthful and spirited, and it was easy to believe that everything was fine, that he was fine and that if she were to take care of him some day, it would be occasional and in a distant future. She didn’t see this day coming the way it did, so abruptly and so soon.

Increasing numbers of adult children are taking care of their parents, often shouldering the burden with no pay and little outside help — making their meals, helping them shower, bandaging their wounds and holding them up before they can fall. The social-work scholar Dorothy A. Miller once described this as the “peculiar position” in the modern American nuclear family, between the care people give to their aging parents and to their children. Today’s “sandwich generation” is younger than the version Miller described four decades ago, but it faces the same “unique set of unshared stresses” that she warned of then: acute financial strain, a lack of reciprocated support and “fatigue from fulfilling the demands of too many roles.”

This story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publications like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Monday, Oct. 9, 2017

Monday, Oct. 9, 2017

Two months after a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va., turned violent, 200 employees of the American Civil Liberties Union have signed a letter saying that the organization’s “rigid stance” on the First Amendment undermines a broader mission that includes commitment to racial justice. Will the A.C.L.U. rethink its approach to free speech? Guests: Joseph Goldstein, a New York Times reporter; Abre’ Conner, an A.C.L.U. lawyer; David A. Goldberger, a former A.C.L.U. lawyer. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Okt 201723min

Friday, Oct. 6, 2017

Friday, Oct. 6, 2017

A New York Times investigation has found three decades of sexual harassment allegations against the Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. In response to that reporting, Mr. Weinstein released the following statement: “I realized some time ago that I needed to be a better person. Though I’m trying to do better, I know I have a long way to go.” A lawyer advising him said that the producer “denies many of the accusations as patently false.” Guests: Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, Times reporters. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

6 Okt 201723min

Thursday, Oct. 5, 2017

Thursday, Oct. 5, 2017

At least 12 of the weapons found in the hotel suite used by the gunman who killed 58 people in Las Vegas on Sunday had been modified. He used a device called a bump stock, which enables a semiautomatic rifle to fire faster, and can be purchased online. Guest: C. J. Chivers, a New York Times investigative reporter and Marine veteran. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

5 Okt 201721min

Wednesday, Oct. 4, 2017

Wednesday, Oct. 4, 2017

Every mass shooting in the United States is inevitably followed by a call for gun control, but major legislation never passes. We look at how the National Rifle Association became a powerful lobbying group. Also, a gun store owner talks about putting military-style weapons into the hands of civilians. Guests: Robert Draper, a writer at large for The New York Times Magazine; John Markell, the owner of a gun store in Roanoke, Va. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

4 Okt 201730min

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2017

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2017

A lone gunman booked a suite at a Las Vegas hotel, took aim at a crowd below and committed one of the deadliest mass shootings in American history. At least 59 people are dead, and more than 500 wounded. President Trump is scheduled to visit the city on Wednesday. Today, Mr. Trump is heading to Puerto Rico to survey the damage from Hurricane Maria. A reporter for The Times discusses what she has seen on the island. Guests: Richard Pérez-Peña, a national reporter for The Times; Frances Robles, a Times correspondent based in Miami. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

3 Okt 201723min

Monday, Oct. 2, 2017

Monday, Oct. 2, 2017

Across the United States, the case could be made that American voters are not choosing their representatives so much as representatives are choosing their voters. As the Supreme Court opens a new session, it turns to a question that, until now, it had been unwilling to resolve: Does drawing the perfect election district violate the Constitution? Guest: Emily Bazelon, a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine, and Dale Schultz, a former state senator in Wisconsin. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily.This episode was updated at 11 a.m. EST. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

2 Okt 201722min

Friday, Sept. 29, 2017

Friday, Sept. 29, 2017

If you are found to be guilty of murder and sane, you could spend 25 years in prison. But if you are found not guilty by reason of insanity, you could be confined to an institution for 587 years. Involuntary confinement in a state psychiatric hospital sometimes becomes a life sentence. Guests: Mac McClelland, a reporter who has written about Houston Herczog, her third cousin who was found not guilty of murdering his father by reason of insanity; Savannah Herczog, Mr. Herczog’s sister, who was at home the night their father was killed; Houston Herczog, who is confined at Napa State Hospital in California. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

29 Sep 201728min

Thursday, Sept. 28, 2017

Thursday, Sept. 28, 2017

The presidency of Donald J. Trump has changed the rules of influence in the nation’s capital, replacing top lobbyists with a group of newcomers and former nobodies. Those newcomers are getting rich. Guest: Nicholas Confessore, a political investigative reporter for The New York Times. He interviewed the lobbyist Robert Stryk for an episode of one of our other podcasts, “The New Washington.” For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

28 Sep 201721min

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